Many clients who come to me are scared to explore what’s painful because they are afraid they’ll lose it. They are afraid they will fall apart and never put themselves back together. They are afraid that if they actually “touch” THAT feeling, it will totally take over them.
And for good reason: at one time or another, a situation was too much and it overwhelmed us.
We avoid “going there,” shoving down how we feel, trying to push it away, or harshly telling ourselves to “get over it” or “toughen up.” We also keep ourselves really busy so we don’t have “time” to feel.
At some point, though, the strategy of keeping it down, avoiding, or trying to “toughen up” becomes ineffective. We wake up in the middle of the night, our jaws are so tense we have dental problems, our shoulders constantly ache, we get upset stomachs, we react to every-day stresses with some out-of-proportion reactions, and our nervous systems are fried.
We’ve taxed our nervous system trying to “keep it at bay.” It’s like you’re in a pool and you are trying to keep down a beach ball. It takes a lot of energy to keep the ball down.
A somatic practice is to slowly, skillfully, acknowledge it and give it space.
Here are some tips:
1. When you feel the tinge of THAT feeling, acknowledge it Thich Nhat Hanh style, “Oh there you are, dear one. I see you.” Yes, call the fear, anger, hurt, or grief “dear one.”
2. Breathe and be with it for a bit. Just be present. You might say, “I see you and I see that you are suffering. I’m here.” You might also say, “I am safe now.”
3. You might notice the sensations — just for a little while — giving them space to be acknowledged.
4. Say the prayer of loving-kindness – to yourself and “that” feeling or experience:
May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I live with ease.
5. Get up. Notice your feet on the ground. Stretch. You don’t have to focus anymore on it! Let the shifts that come from doing these things be integrated into your body, mind, and heart. It needs space from being analyzed or looked at.
You can do this for just a few minutes and begin to relate to whatever is arising within you with compassion. When my clients experience the healing that comes with these steps, the energy they expend trying to ignore or push down the strong emotions just don’t seem useful anymore. And they know now that the painful feeling didn’t totally annihilate them. They are actually more connected to their truer self and the peace that dwells there.
Blessings,