Choosing Our Words and Body Language
Tip: Communicate with your beloved in such a way that there leaves no doubt in his or her mind and heart the depth and breadth of your love for them.
Let your words communicate it. Let your body language communicate it.
I remember sharing this with a couple in therapy. The wife said, “This is haaaaard.” She’s right. It is really hard…at first…because often we have been trying to get the other person to change and making them responsible for changing how we are as a couple.
Instead of asking, nagging, or demanding our partner to do something so we feel more connected to them, we take a breath.
We take responsibility for improving our communication with our partner.
We take the initiative to change the way we interact with our partner.
We pause and choose our words with mindfulness and care.
We pause and notice what our body language is communicating.
Here’s where I get black and white:
Our words either uplift or tear apart.
Our body language either communicates that we want to connect or disconnect.
I can guarantee that using words that tear apart will not draw you closer to your partner or get you what you want. I can guarantee that turning away from your partner or withholding your loving gaze will not draw them closer to you.
But I have seen it happen again and again – in therapy with clients and in my own relationship with my husband – that when we choose words that are honest but compassionate, and a bodily stance that is inviting rather than stand-offish, things begin to shift.
I can hear the “But she is the one who should…..” and the “But you just don’t get it. He is so…..”
Nope. Enough trying to make the other person change.
Take responsibility for your part of the interactions with your partner. When you do this, you no longer play the victim and there is an incredible sense of self-power that comes from this.
Can you imagine what would happen if both people in a partnership made it their “job” to communicate in such a way that left no doubt of their love for their partner?! Both would flourish.
Blessings,