There are moments within the hustle and bustle of running errands, getting dinner on the table, putting the laundry away, and giving the kiddos a bath when the truth of impermanence comes to you. You know that most likely, you won’t be around to see your child become an old woman or man.
Years ago, as I was in the bath tub holding my newborn son, that truth struck me. And with tears streaming down my face and into the bathtub as I slowly bathed him, this poem came to my heart. I sent out a blessing and a prayer to whoever will take care of my son as an old man when I am no longer there.
Bath Time
I am in the tub with my four month old son
holding his plump, new body in my lap
enjoying our leisurely exchange of
smile and laughs
as I wash his back and under his chin
behind his ears and between his toes,
when suddenly
it hits me
someday, hopefully a long time from now,
I will be gone
and there will come a time
when my son will be an old man
too frail to bathe himself
and someone else will need to hold
his fragile, old body
wash his back and under his chin
behind his ears and between his toes
and I will not
be
there
to make sure they are kind to my son.
I am overcome with the primal panic
of a mother who cannot protect her child.
A grief I’ve never known before
grips my ribs and turns my stomach.
I am softly crying now – my tears mixing
with our warm bath water
as my son still smiles and giggles
and I continue to bathe him.
I breathe in deeply and then finally
let go
of that breath.
After a few moments I say to the grief,
“Yes, that is right, I will not
be
there.”
I send a out a prayer
to the nurse’s aid or hospice worker
my son’s wife or grown child
asking them to watch me now
as I gently rub a sweet lather
with a soft cloth and patient hands
over my son’s trusting, vulnerable body.
And I pray that they can sense
how this now old man
was once so lovingly bathed
and they will wash his back and under his chin
behind his ears and between his toes
with the tenderness of a new mother.
Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2007
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Dear Readers, I believe that it is the deepest desire and prayer of every parent that her child be treated with regard and deep kindness. I’m thinking of all the parents over the last few weeks who have sent their children off to school – from preschool to college. I’m thinking of all the ways we can care for each other’s children — as educators, therapists, medical professionals, and fellow parents on the playground, in the carpool, and as coaches.
Maybe we all can remember that when we are with a child that they have a parent whose deepest, tender desire is for his child to be seen with loving eyes when they are not there.
Blessings,
What a beautiful poem/prayer!
That was so beautiful!! I was getting teary-eyed here at work. Thank you so much for sharing it!
Ahhh, thanks ladies! I really love writing poetry. Blessings to you and all who wrote back via facebook and email. May you share YOUR gifts w/ the world too. Thanks for encouraging me. Lisa
Lisa,
I rarely cry when I read but I couldn’t help containing the tears streaming down my face as I read your first words and poem!!! Your motherly love is so radiantly beautiful! May the old and new poems keep on coming!
Thank you!
Marjory
Marjory…I still cry when I read this one. I’m sure that’s how it is with many of your own beautiful poems. It speaks the truth rising up from the depths of one’s being.
Thank you so much for posting your beautiful poem. So many times things like baths or bedtime stories become something to just get done and are hurried through, instead of being the enriching experience they should be. I will make sure I cherish storytime tonight.
I keep re-reading this and it is so beautiful, so powerful. You are a gifted. I seriously cannot get over this one. I find that I’m driven day by day to do my best to make sure that I’m here for my kids now and in the future; my biggest fear is leaving them alone in this world. Maybe that’s why I’ve had so many children (four)? You’ve touched a nerve in me with this and I thank you for putting so eloquently in words what we feel so deep inside.
Oh, gosh, Lisa, this is so lovely. I’m so glad you called me here to read it.
Since becoming a mother, I spend a lot more time thinking about aging and mortality. What I love about your poem is that you shared these thoughts, but then sent them forward with love to the people who will take your place many, many years from now.
May we and may our children grow old with grace and without pain, and with great love.