(A poem for me, to me, on my 39th birthday, shared as prayer with you)…
Embodied
The other night, I watched a video of me that Brian recently filmed.
It was me leading a meditation.
Half way through, I stopped and paused it.
I sat there, staring
at the still frame shot of me. The incessant self-doubt
that strangled my joy for years was simply
not true. I could no longer deny what I now saw before me.
Here was the evidence.
“I see it,” I whispered in the silence of my heart,
“I see what my mother has seen all these years.
I am exquisite.
I embody the life I have led,
the years and hours of meditation and kindness and metta,
meltdowns and cries, softening and letting go
practiced on my cushion,
on the earth dancing and sweating my chants to the Divine,
in our kitchen cutting grapes for toddlers,
tired, alone, longing, yearning, returning
always
right here
to my life as practice, in the car
handing back snacks to hungry little ones wondering if I’ll rest today,
in our bed nursing a newborn in the early hours before dawn,
making love to Brian when we should be sleeping but
returning Home to our bodies reciting poetry to the Divine,
rising early with my prayer shawl wrapped around my growing belly,
sitting in silence until a baby cries and my feet take me to them,
somehow in the dark, and my arms become their shawl…
again and again,
through the doubt and the worry
the shame and the regret
the wondering and the wounds
the mistakes and the miraculous
the cooing and the sighing
the obsessing and
the letting go,
returning
again and again
to the Divine
within.
I already embody what I longed for,
what I thought was missing,
what I believed I was ‘not yet:’
I am sensual and beautiful.”
The words escaped my heart before they could be squelched
by analysis or habitual practices of learning to not be powerful…
and know it. Spoken into existence, they flew
out into the world and danced,
and then back into me
as prayer, as breath,
to be breathed
and then exhaled
as blessing.
Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2013
[av_sidebar widget_area=’End of Blog Post Subscribe’]
Blessings,
I see you. I breathe with you……as you receive the blessing and the truth of you……and as you exhale, I receive this very same blessing too. In gratitude, in wonder and awe I AM, Mir I AM Sweet Love, Miri
Miri, yes, you have always seen me, reflected my goodness and beauty, putting my worries into context, connecting me to the Community of hearts. Such love to you as one of the wise women in my life. Thank you for your nurturing presence. love, me.
Oh this is simply beautiful. I don’t even have words – it’s incredible. Lots of love, Meg ♥
Meg, your presence is such gift to me!
Lovely poem. You lie. 39? You lie! Lovely poem though. xx
LOL Aaron, yes, really 39! You just can’t see the wrinkles! Those are earned, baby! Those are earned! You made me crack up out loud on the eve of my bday! Love to you, Lisa
Oh this is so lovely Lisa ~ and embodies all your clear beautiful spirit. Your words flow with great ease – and brings the reader right into your great open heart. Happy 39th year my friend ~ you are wise for your years – and my wish for you is that you continue to embrace all that is you ~ all that is exquisite! ….and thank you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt personal prayer. Your poetry is a delight to read ! xo Robyn
Oh Robyn, again, you melt my heart with your kindness. Love to you. And thank you. I bow to you. Love, Lisa
WOW! How beautiful! Thank you for this! It has touched my heart!
THANK YOU! And YOU keep shining and being beautiful and embodying your healing and truth… Lisa
This is a beautiful, stunning poem of Self-love. Thank you for sharing. I’m in awe.
Awww, dear Brenda, thank you. Love and light to you, Lisa
Reading this and thinking of me and you too, my sweet mama friends.
Sent from my iPad
Helgi…hello soul sister!
Yes, you are, dear Lisa. You are beautiful, wonderful, amazing and a gift to everyone around you. So happy to see you can step into that space where Truth resides, where self-doubt no longer haunts us. Happy birthday!
A beautiful poem and a blessed gift to yourself! Happy birthday.
Thank you, Mark!
Your mother is right – you ARE exquisite. I’m so glad you see it now. I marvel at all you are and am so blessed to have you in my life! XOXO
Thank you, Judy. You know we love you guys.
Dear Lisa. I’ve nominated you for the Beautiful Blog Award and the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. You can check it out here http://milenasgentlerain.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/blogger-awards/
Much love!
Eline..thank you dear, love!
I am ever so thankful that you wrote these words down and shared this poetry, this affirmative prayer, here before they could be ‘squelched’. You put it perfectly when you wrote “I am exquisite” for indeed you are, as is every woman who is in love with her life, her very existence and all that we have been blessed with. THANK YOU for this utterly gorgeous piece of poetry, something we can all affirm and use to help create a life filled with love and warmth.
Bless your heart, Love Gina
Oh my goodness.. I’m so ‘blissed out’ from this beautiful poem that I forgot to say Happy Happy Belated Birthday dear Lisa! May this be an incredibly delightful year filled with abundant blessings, joy, love, health, prosperity, and a rich sense of fulfillment. I cherish you and am so happy you were BORN! (sorry I’ve been tardy in my visits and missed your actual day!) Hugs, Gina
Aw, this was a really nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never manage to get nearly anything done.
Spot on with this write-up, I really feel this website needs much more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the information!
You got a very fantastic website, Glad I observed it through yahoo.
Thank you, Flowers!!! I’m glad you are here! Blessings, Lisa