I’m a mindful parent. I also work with parents every day to bring more compassion and mindfulness into their lives, including their parenting. I think it’s fabulous how much attention parenting is getting these days. What drives me nuts are posts on some parenting sites and blogs that guilt mamas (and dads) into loving every minute of being a parent and being absolutely perfectly present in every moment.
Holy tamole. It’s too much! There is soooooooooo much focus on how to parent in loving and kind ways – how to effectively manage tantrums, teenagers talking back, and messy rooms. (Actually there is too much information out there that folks don’t know where to go and what to advise to listen to…and so they feel frozen).
And while that’s great, what I DON’T see much of is this: resourcing mom and dad. Teaching mom and dad how to be gentle and kind to ourselves. How to allow ourselves to be human. How to be present to our own hearts and yearnings and sadness and yes, even rage and mourning. And learning to gently tend to and nourish ourselves.
That’s the “harder” stuff. You can focus on discipline strategies ‘til you are blue in the face and things may change…for a moment. But the realllll shifts in our lives AND in our children (and their behavior) come from this: mom and dad learning to be kind and compassionate with our own selves.
We all want our children to grow to become confident, happy, and compassionate adults. A sure way to support this is for us to be kind and gentle with ourselves – to be with whatever rises up within us, responding with compassionate attention.
THIS is the foundation of every single effective parenting or disciplining strategy.
So enooooooough focus on guilting mama into loving every moment of the day. Enooooough telling us that “oh you’d better savor it because…” WE GET IT. Instead, let’s focus on the harder stuff to explain and put into words. Let’s focus on the murkier work. Let’s focus our attention on our own hearts and bodies. Ask yourself: what do you love? What is drawing your attention – from the depths of you?
Let yourself be silently drawn
by the strange pull of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray.
~ Rumi ~
Be the goddess you are. Be the goddess you are called to be. Maybe that means speaking your truth in a way that has been silenced for too long. Maybe that means wearing soft, flowy sensual clothing in fabrics that allow you to move and breathe. Maybe that’s creating, making art, painting, writing. Whatever it is, do it.
Blessings,
Lisa, this is lovely, inspiring, healing, and just plain comforting. You are so wise, my dear friend. When I began listening to a calling in my soul to pursue my writing, I was able to heal inner wounds and let go of the guilt. It was then that I was able to offer so much more to my children and grasp the moments of joy in my life.
I so appreciate the message you offer the world. Thank you, thank you!
http://www.handsfreemama.com
Rachel. Thank you, love, for your comment. YES YES — I so can resonate with sitting and listening and giving space for the calling of your soul to rise…AND to take action. How right on you are that when we listen to the movement within us (like I say : what delights your heart), old wounds heal…guilt drops and we embrace the joy in our life…and our dear ones…like you so beautifully right about! Love to you! Oh and can’t wait for the new book! 😉
Love, Lisa
This was awe-inspiring to read Lisa — I so agree with you. Even if I’m not going to see another soul in my day I try really hard to feed my “inner goddess” — bath by candlelight and music every night before bed ~ soft fabric on my skin.. foods that soothe etc. Your message is so important – and yes – for young parents (been there too) major priority needs to be self-love…. you are a wise lady my dear friend — thank you – -and hope hope hope you are feeling better — yes??? xxooo RL
Thank you, Robyn. I LOVE how you bathe by candelight each night…with music…and yes soft fabric on your skin! You sooo know how to nurture yourself. Self-love. EVERYthing stems from here…as your own life shows, Robyn. Love, Lisa
This is really good advice and applies to mothers of grown children also. I find it necessary to practice Self-compassion with my grandchildren and great grandchildren too. They all have to know and see that Self-love and kindness is okay. Great post.
Brenda, you bring up a great point…how it models self-love to our little ones (children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren). It shows them that it’s ok, even necessary and beautiful. A great grandmother?!!! How beautiful! Wow, Brenda. What an incredible gift (for you and for them!)
Love,
lisa
Love the Rumi quote!
Ohhhh Rumi and Hafiz are two poets so dear to me! My mom introduced them to me early on.
Jodi – we have so much in common! I just read your blog and website. Dear heart! Yes, I am a clinical social worker, too, and a mom and a yoga teacher! So beautiful. I really love integrating my mindfulness practices, yogic practices, and psychotherapy. I look forward to hearing more from you and connecting. Many blessings, Lisa
Love the last paragraph.