When is the last time you talked to someone and they didn’t say they WEREN’T busy?!
A conversation usually goes like this:
“How are you guys?”
“Oh you know, we’ve got such n such going on and then there’s such n such coming up. We’re runnin’ from one thing to the next.”
“Oh I know. We are so busy too.”
It’s so common place that we come to expect people to say they are busy. And we think nothing of it when we say how busy we are.
But we should.
When’s the last time you WEREN’T hurrying to get somewhere? Didn’t have adrenaline rushing through your veins on the way to work or to drop off your kiddos?
All this being busy and hurrying everywhere reeks havoc on our nervous system. It keeps us in stress mode. And that effects EVERY system in us – immune system, digestive…you name it.
And our children???
Our children’s generation is the first to be so darn rushed all the time from a young age on. What do we think is going to be the impact on our children’s developing brains, hearts, bodies, and relationships to be so hurried all the time, to be so in stress mode all the time???
Well the other night, I had enough. I had enough of treating the clock as a god. I had enough of hurrying my kiddos to eat breakfast and get out the door and into the car to go to school. I was appalled at how the doctor and nurse (though knowledgable and kind) hurried our daughter through her three-year old check up with rushed hands — and how they probably did this with every other child that day and no other parent thought ANYTHING of it. Why? Because we are used to it! We are used to our bodies and presence not being regarded as sacred.
Well, enough, I said.
Sitting at the breakfast table…late…I looked around and I thought, “This is crazy. Our culture has lost all regard for honoring the sacredness of the body, for reverencing and honoring its flow. I refuse to teach my children to not honor their bodies. Let them sleep. Let them eat. Peacefully. And Brian and I are doing nothing for our relationship with our kiddos to be on them and hurrying them. Enough. I call for a family ban on being busy and in a hurry.”
Maybe it’s this mid-life shift thing I’m going through (it’s not a crisis and it’s not an awakening. I’m awake. Now I’m just takin’ action n shiftin’ stuff. Big time.). I’m taking more responsibility for MY life and how I want to live it. No one else is going to be at my deathbed with me and the divine.
It’s going to be me and God reflecting back on my life and asking, “Did I love fully? Did I live fully?”
It won’t be: “Did I get the kiddos to soccer practice on time?”
Instead I’ll recall images of me and Brian being present with our children. I’ll recall regarding them and seeing, really SEEING, their needs…and responding to them. I’ll recall holding Little C. for awhile longer even though we are late for a playdate. I’ll recall letting Big A. sleep in, leisurely being with him (with my eyes, my attention, my tone of voice), and then going to school. I’ll recall the times I remembered what is most important.
So it’ll take some time (ha!) to get the busy and the hurry out of our nervous systems. But I am committing myself to “the ban on busy”. I’m committing myself to not being in a hurry. To slowing it all down. And really, there is no time to be in a rush. Life is precious. Short and precious.
**Dear Readers, Colleagues, Clients and Customers….what kind of busy and hurrying do you want to ban? It takes effort and courage. But I am telling you, your nervous system and your children’s will be deeply nourished by your commitment and dedication to banning busy and hurry.
***UPDATE:
I wrote this post in 2013 when I declared “our family’s ban on being busy.” I realized I had NO TIME TO RUSH. I realized that at the end of my life, I won’t be thinking, “Ohhh I wish I went along more with our culture’s schedule and expectations and activities”. I won’t regret slowing down, nourishing my children’s (and mine) nervous systems, and savoring our connection.
Three years later, I can still often rush and hurry. But I am ever so aware of it. I make — MAKE — moments of connection throughout the day. I am intentional about slowing down. I am intentional about the activities we get involved in. I am intentional about how much time we spend together — really together.
We have made BIG choices as a family in order to live this way. Brian and I both work locally so we can actually SEE each other and spend time as a family. The book I’d love to write has taken much, much longer than I had anticipated. We still live in our same small but light-filled house.
I see people in counseling and Compassion Coaching who, at first, are stuck in their habits of thinking, “It’s not possible.” It’s not possible to slow down, to even CHANGE jobs, to shift their schedules. And soon in our work, possibility begins to open within them.
Yes, sometimes it takes BIG choices. And other times, it’s the small, everyday choices to turn to our dear ones and really SEE them.
I remember when I first posted this back in 2013. I had some people telling me that I’d never be able to do it, that I was putting my own needs before someone else’s and that I was disregarding other people’s schedules. Hmmmmm…. Well, I have never had such negativity on this blog or in my life. And really, what these few naysayers said or wrote actually has been the complete opposite:
Anyone who knows us personally as a family knows how regarding we are of our family, friends, and our commitments. If anything, our commitments to others have been enhanced by our “ban on busy” — when we commit, we commit. When we say we are going to do something, we do it. And THAT is quite counter-cultural in a world of families who are tired, overscheduled, are starving for connection, and flake out on commitments.
May you be inspired to make the big or small changes in your life and your family’s life to ban busy and nourish your connections. And if you need support in making these shifts, check out my Compassion Coaching. It’s nourishing and deeply supportive for both you and your family.
Blessings,
I just love this post! Yes, there is no time to be in a rush. I think it’s important to realise that faster isn’t always better and busy is not a badge of honour! Hooray for taking the time to savour those wonderful moments spent together, fully present, not rushing. Thanks for the inspiring post.
dear heart, thank you so much for your comment. You are right on — we often wear the “busy badge” as a badge of honor. I realize I have ego involved in saying, “no, I’m not really that busy….I’m just hanging out.” Or something like that. It’s like we are supposed to be busy…being busy gives us meaning. And that totally doesn’t make sense!
First: Are these pictures of your children? They are gorgeous.
This is a great post, Lisa. I gave up busyness and schedules last year. Many times I have a full day but I am not rushing through it. I actually catch myself when I start to rush and I feel the anxiety building. At those times I have the option to slow my butt down and remind myself to be gentle and kind to ME. Almost every morning I offer a prayer of gratitude to the divine that I get to live a slow, unrushed life.
Dear Brenda,
Yes, these are my kiddos! They are truly my gems! What delights. Albeit these pics are from a few years ago. Like you I try and catch myself when I start to feel that RUSH of anxiety when I start to rush. I have to speak gently and kindly to myself, “Slow down, dear love” and to physically shift how I am holding my body. Brenda, I am so moved that you offer a prayer every morning to the divine that for the life you live — unrushed, slow…I picture you doing this. You are reminding me, Brenda, do this this very thing — to begin each day with gratitude for the things that I usually take for granted. I have gotten so used to the fact that we (Brian and I) are home a lot (work from home and live close to work) and we get to spend a lot of time together as a family. I also have gotten used to what an incredible father Brian is. Your post is reminding me to offer this up in prayer as I begin my day. Thank you, Brenda.
love, Lisa
Yes, yes, YES. Beautiful post, as always, Lisa. Thank you. So much to think about, so much inspiration (and don’t even get me started on the state of the health care industry – although the word ‘industry’ pretty much sums it up!)
Speaking of health, hope you’re fully recovered and feeling back to normal after the treadmill tried to kill you. 🙂
Susan, thank you. Yes, I could go on about the health care industry, too. I’ve been quite sad and then angry about it in the last few months. I am grateful for the education and privilege that my husband and I have. I think about all the folks who don’t and still have to navigate the health care system – for themselves or a loved one. It has me very grateful, too, and proud of the work I do as a clinician — how I hold each client and look at the whole person and tend to the whole person.
Love to you, Susan!!!
Lisa
This is a wonderful post Lisa! I so agree with you… and refuse to be a slave to the go-go-go societal dictate. When my girls were young we spent so much time just being with nature and enjoying the most simple pleasures. I so don’t regret being part of the hurried existence. Totally resonated with me — thank you for sharing your insights always ~ wise you are! Love to you ~ RL
Robyn, It is good to hear from a mama who has “been there and done that” and to know that you didn’t “miss out” and that you have no regrets. I think about this often — my little ones are only little once and living without regret. I don’t say that to put pressure on myself or to cause stress but rather to look deeply at my choices…and to forgive myself! Thank you for being who you are, Robyn, and sharing your stories and your life. I so value your voice on your journey. Love, Lisa
I just found this post…from a Facebook share by OmMama. And I could not agree more with your sentiments. You spoke to something that’s been brewing in my world for a while. I loved the fire and conviction to “enjoy the ride.”
Thank you for writing it. And for broadening our collective expectations. I’m looking forward to soaking up more of your blog…and sharing this post with everyone who wants to listen.
Namaste.
Susan, thank you! I’m so glad you found the site and commented…and we can connect!!! (And thank you to OmMama. I’ll have to check her FB page out!). Yes, I’m telling you…it’s been brewing in my world for awhile, too. It’s brewing in the world for so many of us! I just was at a Spirit Fest today selling my little cards and poems and I was talking to a mom about this — AND how we can soooo easily get caught up in the “doing” and the “going”. It sure does take mindfulness. I’m also finding that it takes COMMUNITY — being with other like-hearted souls who are about these same values so we are in good company. It’s my hope that by writing and putting out there what is on my heart that we cultivate community and inspire and encourage and fortify each other. I look forward to connecting more with you, Susan. Many blessings, Lisa
Exactly! So glad you’re on board with a slow life, too. : )
Hello 🙂 I really struggle with being to busy to stop & smell the roses, as of today I am going to start getting up earlier so i can do my chores inteh morning & manage my work from hom ebetter so I can in turn slow down & enjoy my four beautiful children more. I am also going to go to bed earlier instead of staying uop watching tv every night “WISH ME LUCK” this is my first step
Heidi, I’m WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK RIGHT NOW, dear mama!!! It’ll take a bit of time, but you can do it!!! Even after six years of being a mama, my husband Brian and I still talk each new “season” in our family’s life about what needs to shift. Like when my son started kindergarten — we realized we were trying to get WAY too much done in the morning. We’d all get frustrated and short with each other. We realized that we had to do some stuff the night before. It sounds really obvious, but it wasn’t at the time. Recently, we made a BIG shift based on what we observed that we needed to do for this next “season” of our family: I resigned from my position at Georgetown University. Just a few weeks ago. We recognized that my kiddos needed my presence more. This was/is HUGE. So, which ME luck!!! Once we made the decision, there was a deep sense of peace. Heidi, I hope you to hear from you about how it’s going! You can email me at lmccrohan (at) gmail (dot) com. Blessings, Lisa
I am interested in this slow life living. I can see it being very suited to my ways and how I’d like to move through life with my family. But I can also see I have a lot to learn about it, and that there will be a lot of challenges up ahead. Thanks for this post! Looking forward to reading more!!
Paige, Thank you! I’m in the same boat!!! Though I am a psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher, though I’ve been practicing meditation for almost 20 years, I STILL get all tangled up in our culture of busyness and in a hurry. It’s an everyday kind of mindfulness practice — to remind ourselves to soften, arrive right here, slow down, and be present. Thank you for stopping by, Paige.
Blessings,
Lisa
Thanks for this challenge!! I’m not a mom, not even married, but still struggle with the tyranny of the urgent in this totally driven world we live in. We may be rich in soooo many ways, but we have lost so much of the art of living that our parents and grandparents had.
Bless you in your quest to slow down, and I look forward to more gems to help me on mine!
Alison W
Alison, what a delight to read your comment this morning!! I hear you — married or single, with kiddos or not, we all live in this crazy world of being in a hurry. So awesome of you to notice this — to be mindful of this, Alison. Though I’ve always been a pretty mindful parent and person, gosh, there are always “hey wake up!” moments when I see how I can be even more mindful. This was one of those days. I feel like we’ve done an ok job of slowing down. It takes TIME (funny enough). We have really spent this summer taking our time. I try to remind myself even when I’m brushing my teeth or typing (like right now!) to slow down. I especially try to be mindful of it with the kiddos.
I’m so glad you are here, Alison! Yes, more gems to come, as always! It is my pure delight to write!
Lisa
Amen. Wow, yes. Too short. Lets not miss it. xo
Thank you, Lindsey. I know you “get” this post. Your life is about BEING RIGHT HERE. And your writings reflect such a mindful posture. I so appreciate your voice in the world. I’m grateful to know you in this world of parenting, being a mama, being a woman. Love, Lisa
Great post
Thank you, dear Candace! I’m glad you are here! Blessings, Lisa
God’s greatest gift to me was homeschooling. I really CAN let my children sleep, I really can take the time to focus on each one of my kids for as long as I need it. It truly is a blessing. Of course, it’s also a mindset, so I have to work at keeping the outside world in it’s place, but at least I have the framework set.
Jen, that’s really lovely about homeschooling. How beautiful that you can let your kiddos sleep, you can honor their rhythms. Though we don’t homeschool, we have always been about letting our kiddos sleep. We consciously chose to shift our work schedules to maximize family time and to allow the kiddos to honor their own rhythms. Lovely, Jen. I’m glad you stopped by. I hope you find other posts that resonate with you! Please let me know. Many blessings, Lisa
Reblogged this on thecrunchymamachronicles and commented:
Love this post! I learned early on in my motherhood that a hurried life is no life for me and my family. We were frustrated and miserable with nothing good to show for it. I was led by God to drastically reduce our activity load and spend more time on the things that really matter in the long run — the eternally significant things. We live life in the slow lane and we are happier for it!
What a heart opening post.
I learned by listening to my body that I can’t rush. I can feel what I call the “hamster wheel” of stress in my chest. My pulse goes up, my thoughts get jumbled, my stomach hurts, and I’m a mess. I didn’t pay attention for a long time, actually associating these physical responses with accomplishment. Being a parent forced me to calm myself in order to help little ones feel calm.
Sharing this on my Free Range Learning page. Thank you!
Found this on FB through Free Range Learning….what a great lesson. I am an older mama…45 to my 6.5, 4 and 2 yr olds. I have been on that hamster wheel of life and work really hard to stay OFF it now! We don’t have cell phones, 1 tv etc. We live, work. learn and love as a family with the support of our many chosen communitites (church, homeschool etc). Thanks for highlighting what I felt was important in my heart but didn’t know how to say!
HI, wow, I never hear or read about any one having ‘no cell ph’. I often frustrate my friends because I wont use one. I still teach my kdis the importance of being on time, but we don’t rush, try not to anyway. its about being organised, and getting up on time, or getting things ready the day before. life is too short to race around always being busy, I am glad my three children (under 4) have the opportunity to often just play and dream, we spend a lot of time at home and the kids love it. they also enjoy outings, but I don’t find kids and families are over scheduled these days.
was meant to say ‘do find’ kids are over scheduled
While I agree with the sentiment (I think modern Americans are in too much of a hurry and are over scheduled) I do take a few issues with the examples you use in this post. Number one, the world operates on a schedule and being on time shows respect. You might not look back on whether or not you got the kids to soccer practice on time but showing up late simply because you feel like it shows disrespect to those who worked hard to organize such events and will insure that your family wont be invited to many of those social events in the future. Second, it teaches your children that being late, sleeping in, etc are all perfectly acceptable life styles and that may make getting and keeping a job or a college education difficult if not impossible. Also it instills in them no work ethic at all. Laying around the house, sleeping in every day until you feel like getting up is not the path to happiness. Life is work, and hard work to do it right. Our ancestors knew this and they took joy in the work. In this modern day we’ve gotten use to being lazy but that can be taken away from us at any moment and those who don’t know how to put in a full, sun up to sun down, day of work will be left scrambling to learn how to survive. A good example is the Amish. They are up early and working hard but they find peace, joy and simplicity in the hard work. They sing while they sweep and smile while they milk. They have the right rhythm for human nature and happiness. They are punctual, respectful and family oriented. They probably never sleep in day in their lives.
In response to AdorableAlice, I had been struggling to put into words what felt off to me in this post, and I think you hit my problem head on. How do we continue to live our lives with jobs, with activities, with responsibilities, and yet not give in to the “hurry/busy” sensibilities? It is important to be on time and respectful of others, and while we’re dealing with others (such as a rushed doctor’s office), how do we maintain our sense of calm and peace?
I do think that the meaning in this post is important: don’t allow yourself to become caught up in the rush-rush-rush so much that you find yourself at the end of your life wondering where it went. It is the “how” that eludes me. I think for our family the closest we can come is by not taking on so many things that we find ourselves unable to rest.
Lisa, I came to this post from a Facebook share, and I want to thank you for writing this…it’s a great reminder and challenge to me as I prepare to start the school year with my children. I would love a follow-up post where you share how you approach this in your day to day life and find ways to create pockets of peace and calm amidst the busy-ness of our modern life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Rebecca, I’m glad you stopped by. I often write about the “how” – how do we stay balanced, how do we honor our own selves, how do we honor others. Everything I write about is about mindfulness and compassion. So I do hope you look at some other posts and see if there are ones that resonate with you and support you in looking for the “how.” Like I said above, these posts aren’t written with my analytical mind – ready to dissect them. They are just written to offer a glimpse into what’s on my heart and the prompt from that space to share. Yes, it’s about balance. It’s truly a journey. I’m glad I’m a part of a community of moms (online and in person!) who support and nurture and honor each other. I’m glad you stopped by. Many blessings, Lisa
Thank you, Alice. Yes, honoring what others are about is important. Honoring our commitments, honoring schedules, honoring the world we live in. It’s about balance. Many of my posts are written from my heart – not with an analytical eye in mind ready to dissect every part of it. And as we know, posts only tell a fraction or give a glimpse into one’s life. This was a post about our family coming back into balance for our family. Many blessings, Lisa
I found your post through Janet Lansbury’s facebook page. Beautiful, beautiful post, and oh, so true,There is time enough for everything that is important, and there is no need to rush. It’s up to us as parents to give our children the time they need, and their pace is naturally slower than ours. We are the keepers of time for our children. And slowing down to their pace, being present, attentive, and observant, becomes a gift that we give to ourselves, as well.It’s not about being lazy or disrespectful as one person above suggested. It’s about consciously choosing what is important for your children and your family. Soccer lessons and an endless schedule of classes and activities don’t serve young children well. They need time to just be.Creating daily rhythms and routines based around family life and values, minus the constant running and schedules will not make children lazy or prone to irresponsibility as older children or adults, In fact, I’ve witnessed quite the opposite.
Hi Lisa, thank you for stopping by. What you write resonates deeply with me. This is just about balance — just about honoring one’s heart and a family’s rhythm. That always includes being in community with others and honoring them as well. It isn’t about being lazy or self absorbed. It’s about coming into balance. Yes, just being conscious, mindful and compassionate toward one’s self, our dear ones, and each other. That’s really what this is about. It’s not about taking things to extreme. It’s just about seeing where there is a need to make some shifts – consciously, lovingly, and whole-heartedly. I have no worries that we’ll be lazy or inconsiderate. So much of what I teach our kiddos is about compassion – for our own selves and others. It begins with honoring what is “within” — and that then takes us out into the world with compassionate eyes. Many blessings to you, Lisa
I love your post! Ever since I was a child I have known what a waste of time it is too rush! (to the annoyance of some of my family members )
Practicing non rushing is still one of favorite practices. I have a dear teacher, Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen, who told the class a story once that she used to find her self rushing around and thinking ‘there’s not enough time’. She made an agreement with herself that every time she caught herself thinking ‘there’s not enough time’ she would lay down for 10 minutes- calm herself and become more present with the moment! She stuck to it for months until she had integrated the non-rushing state of mind in her day to day.
As a side note, I am also exploring finding mindfulness and presence in rushing when it is necessary (late for a meeting or appt) and that can be fun also.
Ashley, like you, I had a mindfulness teacher once who told me that when she is already late for a meeting, she doesn’t rush. She realized she used to get there when rushing only a minute or two earlier than if she didn’t rush but completely not present and it’d take her 20 minutes (the amount of time it takes for us to rid the body of the stress hormones) to just “arrive.” Instead, she slows down, doesn’t rush, and arrives a minute late but able to be fully present for the meeting. I remember that often when I’m getting two little ones out the door and things are falling apart and I’m hurrying them, and then I realize, “it’s ok. Slow down.” It takes just a moment to be present, to speak softly, to calm my nervous system (which, in turn, slows down their little nervous systems — gotta love mirror neurons!). We all arrive much more able to be present to what we are doing, who we are seeing. I sometimes say to myself, “No time to rush, Lisa” — a reminder to just be right here. Many blessings to you, Lisa
This makes so much sense! 🙂
Yes and Yes. We have something similar in our house. We have home days. Where nothing is a rush. Breakfast can be eaten when we feel hungry and bed comes once the yawning does. This only happens once a fortnight (due to work, school, commitments etc), but boy do we love it! We snuggle and play, we cook and tidy, we still get things done, but there is no rush or stress about it. It is the best <3
Roslyn,
That’s really lovely. I love what you say here – that things still get done. I noticed this “truth” after we had our first child. I was trying to run around and do everything (and recoup) and then something just clicked — something that older moms and grandmothers tell us — just rest — it’ll get done. And it does. In this lifetime, I have needed to learn how to rest. So I napped every day with my son. And, yes, everything still got done. Some days there were dishes left in the sink, but that was ok. I learned to let that stuff go. This is a post that’s just about letting go a bit more of our culture’s “rush rush” mentality. Many blessings, Roslyn. Lisa
I love the idea of slowing down to enjoy life. It does feel like there is a “who’s the busiest” competition. However, I do think being on time is important and respectful to others.
I agree about being on time. It is an important quality to teach children because it shows respect to others.
I think that if someone continually can’t be on time they either need to work on management skills or perhaps they have too many activities and need to drop some.
About the school thing, you just can’t be late to school a lot. You can face truancy charges for this. And often schools have their core literacy lessons in the morning. If truly a family functions better later in the day, homeschooling may be a better option than fighting a no win battle over truancy.
Hi Keri, yes, it’s about balance. Being mindful and present in the moment includes regarding others. Lovely. Many blessings, Lisa
I do love the premise of the post of slowing down. It is important for families to cherish the simple moments of family togetherness which just can’t be accomplished if too busy. But like in my comment below, honoring family time still needs to be mindful of other people’s time. Our family is not an island to itself.
This post has nothing to do with being late. It is about finding your family’s rhythm–allowing your family to respect their own time and what time means to them (awareness/awakening). Once they/we understand how precious our time is, we learn in turn to respect other people’s time. All she is saying is that over scheduling will not get us there any time soon! Thanks for this lovely post!
Thank you, dear heart. Yes, getting aligned with the season that one’s family is in — listening for what we need, what would nurture us — and that “honoring of one’s own self” (and family) ALWAYS always spills over in compassion for others. I have found that to be the case in our lives and the lives of my clients in therapy. I’m glad you stopped by here! Lisa
I love that more people (mamas) are awakening to the ban on business..maybe I won’t feel so lonely now! I feel very awkward where I live not having a busy schedule and sometimes get sucked into feeling I am not keeping us busy enough. As a homeschooler people want to say your kids aren’t social enough so that adds pressure. A lot of homeschoolers go to church and that adds a lot their schedules for their kids but I found myself exhausted when we went to church (not only from the frantic social commitments but also from my issues with the whole Christian belief system) so I was constantly sick and not serving my family the way I wanted to. More importantly I was not connecting to my kids or husband, and I see this with these families that are always on the go. The problem is when you walk away, not only from church, but also from homeschool co-ops, AND you have no family around life gets lonely for sure. There are people who will try to make you feel guilty for not participating constantly in whatever things they have planned. Can’t people just have coffee and let the kids play anymore while we chat? Does it always have to the beach, soccer, gymnastics, piano, church, church , church, play parks, museums…all in one week???
Holly, you bring up something that I think all of us moms can relate to — wanting to belong to communities and groups of like-hearted folks where we “get” each other, where we don’t feel so alone, where we are nurtured and we nourished as we nurture and nourish others. I can imagine as a homeschooler how hard that can be and I’ve talked with many folks in counseling about the assumptions others make about their homeschooling and lifestyle choices. Yes, let’s support one another in being mindful and compassionately aware of what’s best for each person’s family. I support you, Holly! Blessings, Lisa
LOVE this article! Saw it in f.b. this morning. I made a very conscious attempt this summer to make it relaxing for my kids, no rush. Only 1 camp per child—-I have two kids, ages 8 & 10. I gave them the gift of boredom a times—-I think it’s an important life skill to figure out what you want to do with your time vs. being led from activity to activity. I am working hard at “becoming minimalist” (a f.b. page I LOVE), basically, less is more. We’ve focused a lot with the kids the last 3-4 years with sharing life’s EXPERIENCES vs. things (i.e. too many toys!). My kids are avid readers—-a friend said to me she was giving her kids a “break” from reading this summer. I thought “huh, reading IS a break for my kids”. I don’t make them read. They read so much I can hardly keep up with our library visits. We don’t have cable or dish. On days where my kids choose to be active (it’s not imposed), they can have some screen time in the afternoons, past 4:30. Screen time includes the computer, a DSi game or time on an iPad. I feel strongly about teaching them, guiding them, to keep their own life balance. The absence of constant screen time, tv running all day or hopping on a screen immediately after breakfast allows them time to BE CREATIVE & ACTIVE.
As the school year quickly approaches, I get a knot in my stomach. “Rat Race” time. I hate that our society imposes practically a 9-5 lifestyle on them. They aren’t mini adults. When my kids were younger, we stuck to a 1 activity per child limitation. But, as they’ve grown in their interests, that’s harder. I had always wished I home schooled, but knew in my heart it was not for me. It still pangs away at me from time to time, like now. If I home schooled I don’t think we’d be quite the participants in the rat race.
DO YOU HAVE ANY add’l suggestions for slowing down during the busy school year?
I LOVE what you sad in a comment above about realizing that in order to keep the morning routine less rushed you need to prepare more the evening before. And, as you said, it seems so obvious—–yet is something I must work on the school year! I’m the one that ends up in the rushed/stressed mentality—-not a good way to send my kids off to school.
I also LOVE another post from above about taking 10 mins to just lie down to calm ones’ self. A good practice to incorporate into my life.
In June, we took our family of 4 to Ireland for 2 weeks. While in Ireland, we visited with U.S. friends who are living there for 3 years. The Mom was so relaxed—–I asked her about it. She said life’s different over there. Kids outside playing a lot. The society supports stay-at-home Moms and has many opportunities for Moms to work part-time & job share.
She asked if it was hard for me at night to get the kids in from the neighborhood play to go to bed—–I said “I wish we had that problem”. There aren’t enough kids out/about after dinner. I don’t think we have as active a lifestyle here.
She said one of the things she’s not looking forward to upon their return to the states next year is the pace.
It was a good conversation for us to have.
Thanks for sharing. Thanks for listening! Great article & comments!!
Dear Amy, what you write here is so rich! We, too, just returned from being out of the country (we were in costa rica. I had spent years working in Guatemala and El Salvador. It was like “home coming” to return to a similiar culture!). The mom you talked to in Ireland — I wish we too had the problem of having “too many” kids in the neighborhood!
I do realllly simple “everyday” things to get grounded, to remind myself of what is most important, to get back in touch with my heart – I feel my feet on the ground, I soften — every muscle, every judging thought (of myself or someone else), I take a few breaths and consciously focus on the exhale, I repeat something to myself that nourishes me, I choose to connect (to my own heart and to whoever I am with in hte moment) instead of disconnecting or closing off, and I put my hand on my heart. Check out Tara Brach and Thich Nhat Hanh – two of my greatest teachers.
I feel like I need everyday ways that are simple and to practice them in little doses throughout the day — much like monks at a monastery have bells that ring every so often throughout the day to remind them, “where are you mind and heart right now? Where’s your attention? Bring it back to what is most important?”
I hope you find other posts here that support you in our everyday living.
I really appreciate your comment, Amy. I look forward to hearing more from you!
Blessings,
Lisa
Thank you so much, Lisa……for everything you’ve said to all of us. :o)
If there is anything I’d urge folks to take from this post is this: Asking the question: “am I loving fully?” — ourselves, our dear ones, each other. Ask it of our hearts, that profoundly deep place within us, the place of the divine within (and around us!). And “does this current way of being resonate with me loving fully?” Whether that is being busy or resting, whether that is being “on the go” or deciding to be lowkey for a day.
Honor what helps you to live a life asking that question – how do I love fully in this moment?
blessings to all of you who have stopped by. Lisa
I just came across this post today/blog. I so hope to continue to read more stuff like this. It’s a good reminder of what is important in life!
Awww, thank you, dear heart! I’m glad you are here! Yes, look at some more recent posts! Blessings, Lisa
I’m not sure if I can ban busy, but over the course of the past six+ months, I’ve worked very hard to simplify our lives so that we can find the pleasure in a simple day, especially on the weekends. Not every day has to be go-go-go. It’s a beautiful thing — to slow down.
Stacey, I don’t know if we have “banned” it but more like we are mindful of our level of “busy” and “on the go” — and checking with ourselves to see if this is what we really want when an opportunity comes up. You are right on – not every day has to be “go go go!”
i found this post of yours on pinterest and it spoke to my heart. some of the comments on it being wrong or lazy to not be busy really disturbed me. maybe if we all took a step back and looked deeply at our lives, what do we need to keep? what can we let go of? all of the woulds/shoulds are things we have made up and we have the power to change them.
in my own life i have been lucky enough to homeschool, so the morning rush is pretty much nonexistent. we have 1 maybe 2 things a week we MUST be on time for (like archery class or a doctor’s appointment) but otherwise we have the day to ourselves, and i think that has helped my children more than having a life full of rushing from one thing to the next, showing them artificial respect for others by yelling at them to “hurry up” all day long. the real respect they learn is to honor themselves, our family, our time, their friends, and society by being calm, easy going, happy people (most of the time). when there is something they need to be on time for, or want to be on time for they know when to start getting ready, how long it takes, what they need to do to have it go smoothly. i don’t have to stand at the door yelling and cracking a whip.
being NOT busy does feel weird though in our culture where we seem to honor busyness for busyness sake. like if you take time every day to have a “lazy” cup of coffee and read a book to your kids, or make muffins every morning, or spend an extra hour playing at the park something is wrong with you.
one of my favorite comics wrote about “the time wasters movement”… people who play in the park, take it slow in the mornings, spend an afternoon under a tree reading a book. it was one of my favorites, because that is how it should be at least some of the time.
there is nothing wrong with hard work, sweeping the house, milking the cows, working the fields, etc… but i don’t think those same people rushed thru the milking to hurry up and go to soccer practice or just were busy to be busy. i take pride in my house and my meals, i love to do certain things that take time, but that is different than being busy. busy seems to be wasteful in and of it’s self being busy to say “hey i am important i am so busy i don’t have time to sit at the table and eat dinner with my kids, or i am so busy that i get up at 5 am and and stay up till midnight because i have soooooo much to do.” that isn’t the same as working hard.
Heather (I’m assuming this is your name?!!), thank you so much for your lovely comment. I’m glad you visited and shared your insights and experiences. As a mom to several kiddos (I counted five in one of your pics posted on your blog?!! Ahhhh, I always wanted a house FULL of little ones!), I appreciate your insights. Yes, as a homeschooler I can imagine that the morning rush is nonexistent. I love the language you used here — “artificial respect” for others — the “respect” (ie fear) that comes from a bigger adult yelling/commanding. Heather, it’s interesting, before this post (and after!) I had never received any negative feedback from what I write – as a comment or in an email — or even where I work at Georgetown University. This post was written just from my heart at a time when I was like “nooooo, enough!” It gives just a snapshot into our day/life. And to be honest, it wasn’t written with the idea in mind that it’d get such attention (I would’ve done a lot more revisions!). It was just a “sharing” from my heart on a particular day. Anyhow, it was quite interesting how some folks took this post. I think it brings up a lot — when we actually start to SLOW DOWN. I see it in my work as a psychotherapist and a meditation/mindfulness teacher — we fear getting quiet and still because of the “stuff” that’ll surface. BUT — I am grateful that folks like you found this blog. YOU are inspiring people to look at slowing down AND leading a full/rich life. I hope you connect more with you, Heather! Many blessings, mama! Lisa
I agree with this whole heartedly. But I don’t know how you can actually put this into practice for long while having your kids in school. We homeschool our kids for partially this reason. And our evenings are still a little nuts. My kids do benefit from their activities. But we have long and lazy mornings and school in our pajamas.
My oldest went to school for 2 years and it was such a grind and a waste of time for him academically.
I have often contemplated homeschooling. The biggest thing that holds me back is being a part of a thriving community of other homeschoolers. I have t found it yet.
Lazy mornings in your pjs — lovely! I can feel the ease within your home and your nervous systems!
I think we are doing the best we can with our mornings, given what our current choices are. Maybe someday you and I will have to talk about homeschooling.
Blessings,
Lisa
Hi Lisa-I too am passionate about this topic. I really struggle with explaining to the kids’ school why I’m ok with lower homework grades because I refused to have them miss important family time over *another* vocabulary worksheet.
After all, at the end of my life, am I going to say, “Man, I wish we had worked more on how to spell ‘piano’?” Nope. . .I’m going to say, “Dear God, I wish I had slowed down and really loved on those kids.”
Ohhhh Suzanne, I am so on the same wave length. Yes. Our school doesn’t give homework (elementary school). It is soooooooo good for us as a family. My children are focused when they are at school – I mean, really focused. And so coming home — we are able to be with each other, do the things we love doing. I’m right there with you in holding onto what is most important. Yes, at the end of our lives, I want us all to look back and say, “it all was well. We loved as deeply as we humanly could!”