“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

– Carl Gustav

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.  You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

– Buddha

You all know that I am BIG on the fact that foundation of mindful parenting (and living) isn’t focusing on our children’s behavior or even discipline strategies. It’s self-care for mama (and dad).  It’s caring for that beautiful, courageous, tender, loving self of yours.   Self-compassion is the foundation for deeply loving and tending to our dear ones.

But it’s “hard”, right?  We live in a culture that doesn’t support us nourishing ourselves.  I’m talking deep nourishment.  Not the kind that lasts for a split second and then vanishes.  We think we don’t have time.  Our days are busy.  Some of us think it’s too “self indulgent” and we “should” put others first.

But I am finding over the years of being a parent (with mid-night wakings, little sick ones, volunteering at school, balancing work and family life, and running off to soccer practice) that the more I flourish, the more I am able to wisely support the flourishing of my children.  I can more mindfully sense and see their needs without reacting emotionally.  I am better resourced to respond instead of react.

I am also finding that while “girls’ night” is great and I need the community of other women, I need DAILY ways of tending to and nurturing myself so that abundance flows IN me and THROUGH me to the dear ones in my life.  I am also finding that we can weave compassion practices into our daily life.  Each time we pause to nourish ourselves in simple, little ways throughout our day, the effect on our nervous system is cumulative.  We build up a neuropathway that creates a habit out of loving ourselves when we do this little, simple, quick everyday acts of self-compassion.

But it does require INTENTIONAL, deliberate practice.  But just liiiiiiiitttle everyday ways…everyday. One choice.  Then another.

Here are three simple, everyday ways that you can practice self-compassion:

1. Notice the good.  I wrote a post on noticing the good in our dear ones, especially our children and partners.  We can so get into the habit of noticing what’s wrong, especially with ourselves.  What about those things we whisper half-consciously to ourselves in the mirror in the morning or when we’ve “messed up” at home or work?  This negative self-talk has an impact on our mood, nervous system, and actions.

As you go throughout your day, try noticing what’s good about you.  Notice what is beautiful. Notice what is kind.

And pause there for a moment.  Notice how it feels to notice the good in you.

How does your body react?  Do you feel your shoulders relax, your heart lift up, your stomach relax?  Do you smile?  How about your breath – what happens to your breath when you notice the good within you and savor it?

And then as you go about your day, how do you treat others because you have noticed the good in your own self?

2.  Tend and befriend yourself.  As you go about your day and you notice the inner critic roaring her head, pause and see yourself as one of your dearest friends would.  What would she say to you?  How would she encourage you to see yourself and treat yourself?

Maybe it’s saying, “Hey girl, don’t get bogged down in this feeling!  You’ve got it!  It’s ok!”  Or “Girl, let it go!”  Or “Be gentle with yourself!”  Or “Are you kidding?!  You look fabulous (…you are a loving mom, good friend, smart business woman…)”

Hear her words.  Put your hand on your heart, see your goodness, drop the need to be perfect, and tend to yourself like your friend would tell you to.

3.  Practice taking a N.A.P.!  We all could use some more sleep, but what I’m talking about here is learning to name, accept, and give yourself kind presence.  Here is a great post on how to practice NAP with difficult emotions — you know, those kinds of moments when you feel a whole slew of emotions and you can’t identify what in the heck is going on within you and all you know is you are about to cry or scream?  Yep.  Try NAP.
I hope these serve you in your daily loving, living, and being!

Here are some additional fabulous, cutting-edge resources on self-compassion:

Christopher Germer: Mindful Self-compassion

Center for Mindful Self-compassion

Kristin Neff: Self-compassion

Blessings of compassion,