Today’s Gem of Joy:
People often come to me already aware/awake that they want to live an intentional life, that how they are currently doing things isn’t working, and they want to be happy and feel connected. But they want to know HOW.
How do I cultivate happiness? How do I feel connected — to my own heart and to others?
Funny enough, often we want complicated answers. We don’t want it to be simple. Straightforward. And something “I” have to do.
Maybe it’s because it’s easier to busy ourselves trying to change everything around us — get a new job, new partner, new house, new whatever. We don’t want to go INWARD and journey into the dark places within. Why? Because it’ll hurt. We think we’ll be swallowed up in it.
Well, dear friends, as Rumi said, “The cure for the pain is the pain.” That’s not something morbid but rather empowering and transformative.
PAIN X RESISTANCE = SUFFERING.
For thousands of years, the sages have all been saying the same thing: Our happiness and our joy are our choice.
It’s not what happens to us that causes our suffering but rather how we choose to respond to the pain and suffering.
“Wait, repeat that!” I often here a client say. “You mean this divorce, this loss, this illness…that isn’t causing me to suffer?”
That’s right.
Well, what IS causing my suffering?
Resistance.
Harshness.
Ignoring.
Pushing away.
Disconnecting.
Running around and staying busy to avoid feeling what is here inside of you.
Suffering happens when we resist “what is” — when we try to stuff down, ignore, deny, or numb our pain. We suffer when we treat ourselves and others with harshness. We suffer when we disconnect – from our own hearts, our pain, and others. PAIN happens. SUFFERING is optional.
What to do instead?
We learn to skillfully sit with whatever rises up — our hurts, our memories…and the big ones — shame, rage, sadness, and grief…in slow, nourishing way. No, there is no forcing, no “going at what hurts with a pitchfork” looking to hunt down what is causing you pain. There are thousands of “skillful means” to work with pain and truly heal. NONE of them say, “Keep trying to change everyone around you and busying yourself with running from one activity to the next.”
All of the skillful means I know to truly heal are about THIS MOMENT. In this moment there is a choice. In this moment you have the power to choose to embody and embrace the way you want to live. The skillful means I know to truly heal don’t take you outside of yourself but rather draw you more deeply into your own heart and body — slowly, with reverence and deep regard.
Happiness and joy are our BIRTHRIGHT. AND there IS suffering in this human form. To resist that causes more suffering! If you want to unleash your heart, feel untethered, live with so much joy and gratitude and feel WHOLE…it’s your choice. And it does not come from anything OUTSIDE of you.
TRY THIS…
THE PRACTICE OF JOY
Joy, delight, and compassion and can often be thought of as “too soft.” We think we need to meet the harshness of what has hurt us with harshness. We need to “attack it”, “overcome it,” “dominate it”, even “battle it”. But I have found in my own personal experience that such a posture doesn’t work.
“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.” ~ Lao Tzu
The times when I have practiced “softening” with such things as joy, delight, compassion, and gentleness I suffer less. The times when I’ve yielded, joined, and allowed, I am truly empowered and liberated. I think that’s all I can say – you have to experience it yourself and tell me the difference.
Here are a few practices to support you!
- IN THIS VERY NEXT BREATH, start breathing with joy. How would it feel to breathe joy? Would you let the breath move down deep into your lower belly? Would you relax your belly, feel the expansiveness across your chest, and relax the tense, clenched muscles of your shoulders and throat and jaw? What would it feel like to exhale joy? Would there be this sense of letting go? This softening? This openness to receive? Breathe as if joy is filling your lungs and you are exhaling joy out in the world all around you.
2. In your very next step, action you take, do something that expresses that joy inside of you. Slow down. Literally slow down. Eat slowly. Put down the donut and eat something healthy and nourishing for you. Maybe you want to stay home and just play out back with the kiddos, feel the grass between your toes, and turn on the sprinkler. Maybe you want to write a note to a dear one — or to yourself. Maybe you want to take a rest. Do it. Ok so maybe you can’t take a nap right now because you have two kiddos hanging off of you or you are working in an office and your coworkers would just about die if they saw you sawing logs at your desk! Well then, EMBODY resting – as you cut up fruit snacks for your kiddos, as you work on that time-sensitive project at work — do it from a place of deeply honoring your body and need for rest. You might do it slower, more mindfully, as you breathe into your heart.
3. Embody joy in the very next posture you take. Maybe that’s with your eyes open, a slight smile at the mouth, a heart lifted up toward the sky, a soft belly, and deep breath.
4. The very next words you speak, let them of joy. Let them be soft, kind, and supportive. Let your words speak the joy within you. Soften your tone of voice when you speak to others. Let go of the harsh ways you speak to yourself! Let your words be encouraging and uplifting. Let them be ones that are about connection.
THIS moment is your gem. It is your opportunity to embody joy.
** This poetic wrist wrap is a gentle and focused reminder that happiness isn’t found “out there” — it is found INSIDE:
**This inspirational card is a great one to frame and put on your kitchen window sill or at work:
** Thank you for being a part of this community to “follow what delights your heart and you’ll inspire the world!” I work with folks who want to live with more delight, compassion, and connection in their everyday lives. Over the phone, skype, or in person, I offer Compassion Coaching. I am also a body-centered psychotherapist and I see clients locally. Find inspiration here at the Barefoot Barn Facebook page and on Twitter.
Blessings,
This message is so important because most are taught to resist pain and to run from it. We have to keep speaking and living the truth so others will know how to soften and lean in. Thank you for this beautiful message. I will share it on my Facebook page. Hugs, Brenda
Ohhhhh Brenda, you sure got it — YES, we are taught to resist pain and to run from it. YES – lean in! I have realllly deepened my practice of saying “YES” — and resisting NOTHING…allowing “what is” in this moment to be. It is sooooooooo healing. Many of my posts are about just this — leaning in, softening, allowing, doing NOTHING and skillfully being with whatever arises. I know you get this. Thank you for sharing because these ways of the sages are so “simple” but not always easy. Sometimes we need to hear them again and again by many different people until they resonate deep within us and we embrace them. I do believe that this is how we truly heal — resisting nothing. I love it. Love, Lisa
Reblogged this on Streams of Consciousness and commented:
This is simple and deserves to be seriously looked at. Thank you, Lisa.
I just saw this, Brenda, and commented on your blog. Thank you! Thank you for spreading the word about these beautiful practices. So simple yet not easy. They are the practices that truly heal – I have found in my own personal life and in my life as a therapist accompanying others. These are the practices I come back to again and again in my daily life. Love you, Lisa
Heard a Christian preacher not long ago say that happiness is as much our choice as it is circumstance—-choosing to be happy regardless of circumstance is a great thing.
Jonathan, that’s awesome! It sounds like that message stuck with you. Yes, Jesus, Buddha, ancient yogi sages — they all said something similar in that our happiness is our choice. It’s how we are RESPONDING to what happens that determines our happiness. I do believe GRACE enters in, as well. Grace enables us to soften our hearts, to open our hearts, to discern wisely if we want to continue to suffer or if we want to be happy. Yes, regardless of circumstances. It can take an awful long while, but it IS possible. I am living proof! I think we all can be! Thank you, too, for reblogging this and sharing this important message with “your people!” Many blessings to you, Lisa
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY…REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE.
This is wonderful and I am so encouraged I am going to reblog this, Blessings and harmony to you every day. Barbara
Barbara, I am so grateful this resonated with you!!! Thank you for sharing. Deep bow of gratitude, Barbara. Lisa
Reblogged this on idealisticrebel and commented:
Very insightful
Oh thank you, dear heart! I’ll go and check it out! Yes, this message is soooo sooooo needed out in the world! So “simple”, as I say, but not always easy. We often want complicated solutions. But those aren’t what heal. These simple, everyday practices are what heal our hearts, homes, and relationships. I’m glad this so resonated with you! Love, Lisa
Beautiful dearest Lisa… I agree – we must take responsibility for finding our joy ~ wherever it may be lurking 🙂 I love the Gibran quote you shared (i may have used it too somewhere in my Blog!) — Your daily delight project is awesome… 🙂 Blessings and Love ~ x Robyn
I love the pictures, particularly the laughing camel.
Awww, thank you! These aren’t my pics, though. I hope that I gave them credit. I always try to make sure to do this. I respect other artists and their work! Thank you for your comment! I hope you continue to be part of the Barefoot Barn community and share a bit about yourself! Love, Lisa
Boy do I know how true this is! Facing the pain is harder than stuffing it away, but in the long run it is better for you. Early in my childhood I was faced with disappointment and rejection. I kept stuffing away and played the happy little girl. Once I hit my early teens I went to bed crying myself to sleep every night. Only now as I am facing my thirties, and i still have some trouble with it, am I really understanding how to face the pain buried inside and every day I am a bit happier because of it. I can once again take joy in the little things and know the big things that used to hurt don’t matter anymore. I am reclaiming my life one small step at a time!
Cat, I just did this really long reply to you and then I hit something wrong!!! Anyhow… let me recap! YES, you got it, girl. It IS hard to face our pain instead of stuffing it down. We are taught, as women, to stuff things away, to play nice. I have seen it in EVERY stage of womanhood. And then I’ve seen this RAGE in women at every age in therapy and coaching. We ALL have trouble with facing our pain b/c there are LAYERS there. Yes, layers to our hurts. But, dear heart, so lovely to hear that the big stuff isn’t so big anymore. That is a sign of deeeep healing when we recall something that used to be painful and there isn’t the same emotional charge to it anymore. One small step — that’s all we got! THIS moment, this choice, this breath. I love it, Cat. And how wise of you — almost 30!!! I’m glad you are here with the Barefoot Barn community! I hope you find tidbits that resonate with you and inspire you to live with more delight, compassion, and connection in your everyday life. You are already doing this! You are already on this path!!! Much delight, Lisa
This is such a great post! I just reread it for the second time which I’m sure won’t be the last.
I know it’s a long one. I couldn’t pare (?!) it down. It could be at quite a few blog posts! But I’m glad it resonated with you, Dylan.
Wonderful post! Found you via Brenda’s repost.