There is much that divides us. The Zimmerman trial brings out, puts on the table, brings to light the hatred that is still so apparent and thriving in our world.
We live in a world where hatred still exists. In the blink of an eye, we judge others based on their race, gender, age, and ethnicity. We make harsh assumptions. We put labels on others. And that’s all before someone even speaks. Once we know a little about another person, we judge based on class, religion, and sexual orientation. Anything else?!
But, there is much that connects us. And maybe, maybe all this grand technology of social media and instant communication can do some good. Maybe it can remind us how connected we really all are and break down the walls — no — break open our hearts to exclude no one, to be able to have compassion for every. single. person.
Is it possible? I believe so.
How?
I only know and can speak from the “work” that I have done with my own thoughts, my own judgments, my own harshness, my own closed heart.
Any time I make a judgment about another person, I (eventually) pause.
I take a few mindful breaths.
I ask myself, “Ok, so what’s here?”
And I don’t mean the story. Forget the story. There’s no healing in the story.
I’m talking about what’s happening right now within me. My own body (sensations), my own thoughts, my own emotions. I’m talking about getting real with ourselves instead of keeping the same story line going and going. I’m talking about waking up. Waking up to what’s really going on.
There’s always some kind of tightness – in my belly, across my chest, in my throat, or in my jaw.
There’s judging thoughts. There’s anxious thoughts.
There’s fearful thoughts.
There are myriad emotions. Anger. And underneath the anger? Sadness, fear, shame.
There’s the instinctual desire to move away from all this. It’s unpleasant. It doesn’t feel good to sit in my fear or shame. There’s the desire to call it “bad.”
And then here comes the hard(er) part: once I see this, once I see the “ugliness” in me that I’d rather deny or start to blame someone else for, I HAVE COMPASSION FOR MYSELF. Compassion HAS to start first with our own selves.
I put my hand on my heart. I exhale. I tell myself, “Soften.” I soften my muscles, my thoughts, my emotions.
I whisper something kind and compassionate to myself — something like Thich Nhat Hanh so beautifully and simply says, “I see you, dear one. I see you are in pain.” And I breathe with that.
I continue to soften.
I begin to see and feel the PAIN I am experiencing and have experienced – with this person, in this situation, with this story I’m telling myself, with this judgement and harshness. And I soften.
Then something opens. Little by little.
Something relaxes.
Something releases.
And all I do is stay. STAY. Stay and be present. Stay and allow. Stay and accept. Stay and be compassionate. Stay and breathe.
Then, my attention goes to this person I have judged. My righteousness wants to flare up again. So I go back to softening. I go back to offering myself radical acceptance. I go back to offering myself spaciousness and breath.
Then organically, I return to the person. Something has softened. I SEE them. I see that they are suffering, too. And though I may not know exactly the details of their suffering, I know they have suffered, too. And something in me begins to open to them. Something in me begins to soften my whole posture and thinking and reacting to them. It doesn’t mean I discard healthy boundaries. Doesn’t mean I’m going to invite them over for dinner or to be my best friend. But it does mean that I NO LONGER focus on seeing them down, on judging them, on wanting them to hurt. Instead I see WHAT CONNECTS US. I see our shared humanity. I see that it’s MY choice to divide us or to connect with this person.
Eventually, maybe over days or even years, I see how when I choose to acknowledge my own suffering and SEE this other person, I am lighter. I am softer. I am empowered. I am in my true power. I am freer.
I believe that having compassion is how we truly heal — our hearts, our relationships, this world, and what divides us.
TODAY:
Instead of sharing messages on Facebook, Twitter, etc etc, that divide us, choose today to share a message of CONNECTION. Choose to share a message that brings us together, that reminds us of our shared humanity.
If this post resonates with you, or if you think one of your dear ones would benefit from reading this, please pass this along. Thank you for sharing this message of how compassion heals. This is how we transform our world.
Blessings,
Lisa A. McCrohan
MA, LCSW-C, RYT
Compassion Coach
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Blessings,
Thank you for being that voice… for yourself, so that I might see 🙂 shared this article you have written, _ with gratitude – 🙂
THANK YOU, Kim, for your kind words. Thank you for sharing. I deeply appreciate it. I do believe that compassion heals. It’s that “simple.” Thank you for sharing this message with your followers. Blessings, Lisa
So beautiful Lisa — it is much more powerful to share messages of connection ….. and if everyone did – it would manifest in a more loving wonderful world. This was a gorgeous post – and I am in awe of the 2 photos you shared here… Thank you! x Robyn with LOVE ~~
Thank you, Robyn. A deep bow of gratitude to you. This is truly a post dear to my heart — speaks the truth of my heart. Love, Lisa
Dear Lisa,
Healing ourselves and this planet is all about compassion and softness. Every word in this post rings true in my heart. Even though the world is connected through technology, most have forgotten their connection to each other. I am posting this on my facebook page in hopes that many will see it, read it, and move in the direction of softness.
dear Lisa,
I see what is missing from my writing…I have so many steps to take…beautiful post! I began to read Thich Naht Hanh a year ago and now attend the Mindfulness Center in Milwaukee. Yes…this is a great post! Thank you for writing it! Your writing has put many of my lost thoughts into order..
Oh Dear Johann, your words have really touched me! Thank you! I’m so thrilled that you are reading TNH and now attending the center in Milwaukee! I am very moved by TNH’s work and his presence and his message. I find him to be such a calming presence — just watching him on youtube, for example. I find myself breathing lighter and slower just reading his words. He speaks soooo simply — and yet this teachings are incredibly profound and deeply healing. I have seen this for my own life and in the lives of those I work with. I hope to stay connected with you Johann! Many blessings, Lisa
Reblogged this on johannisthinking and commented:
this is so well written…it speaks about compassion so well in our broken world…
Thank you, Johann! I really appreciate you sharing this message of compassion with your readers.
I just want you to know that I return each morning to read this post…it touches my soul deeply…and i want to remind myself to be compassionate towards myself …as you spoke so eloquently of in your posting…so that, in turn, I can be compassionate towards others…
Thank you, Jane. Thank you. I am deeply touched. Yes this post is one that is rich with beautiful and deep ways to heal. I come back to it, too. I’m really glad that it resonates with you. That is one of my deepest desires in my writing — to offer people some form of respite, gentleness, kindness, and inspiration to see their goodness. Love, Lisa
I read about TNH’s experience when in his early youth he came to the USA to speak to a gathering about pulling our troops out of Vietnam. One individual screamed at him in anger. He did not lose his composure…but after the event was over, he struggled to breathe. I think I am still in that struggling stage…I have an individual who does that to me…it is so hard…
Jane, I didn’t know that story about TNH. One, that makes him very human. Two, it gives us permission to be human. I hear you. There are people who…hmmmm…well, with whom we are often “side-swiped” by their actions or harsh words or cruelty. And we struggle to breathe. This again shows me how interconnected everything in us is — how our breath reflects our inner state, how it is impacted by our environment. I have seen how the breath is the best indicator of how we are doing (and how a situation and relationship impact us) and it is one of the best remedies — we can utilize the breath to help us arrive again at “Home.” I hear you about struggling — struggling with someone and struggling to breathe. That is a real way of describing it. I am just “typing out loud” — but this came to me — what did TNH do when he “struggled to breathe?” He probably gave himself some sort of self-compassion — with words, with a pause, with a gentle hand on his heart, space to breathe. Do that. Do what will soften the struggle. Keep me posted. Lisa
yes…he breathes…he let “it” out…he was out of the crowd and he allowed himself to be himself…thank you…yes, “self-compassion”—you got it with those words! thank you…your words help me so much..”do what will soften the struggle”..thank you!
Jane, I was just talking to a friend the other day and she was sharing that what really speaks to her in my writing is the self-compassion piece. We can so forget that — sooooo easily. We start to be really harsh with ourselves — in an instant. After all these years of meditation practice, this is my hardest challenge, too. Blessings, Lisa