(I just shared this on Facebook tonight, but I thought of how many moms I hear from every week who talk about the “mama’s guilt” they carry and thought this needed to be shared in the blog, too. This post is for all of you who have children and need a dose of seeing yourself as you really are — a beautiful, loving mama. And because part of being such a beautiful mama is practicing self-forgiveness and seeing the good in ourselves, this is for you).
Daily Delight Project. #9: “What delights my heart right now?”
It was a simple request after a fun day with lots of friends: “Mom, can we go on a night walk together?”
My son, six years old going on “old man.” After a lovely day filled with playing, my son wants a moment with just me.
Brian said he’d tuck in our “puckered out” three year old daughter and my son and I went outside. We saw some friends and that was fine. But our son kept returning to me – looking up at me as they played ball, asking me to translate with my very poor sign language, asking me to get everyone together and run up the “mountain” to see the sun setting, and to see the lightening bugs he caught.
Here are his beautiful, growing hands. Hands now almost as big as mine! These gentle hands that love holding bugs and animals. Hands that know just where to hold on to as he climbs trees. Hands that come and play drums on my behind! Hands that still hold his lovely every night. Hands that move in different ways now as he talks that seem so grown up to me. Hands that still fold sweetly in to mine.
“Thanks, mom,” he said with a gentle kiss before going to bed. These are the moments that are making their way into his BEING — into his bones. Slowly, over time, moments like this are forming his sense of self.
I am not perfect. By any stretch of the word! Just earlier today I snapped at him. I looked at him meanly. I actually did that a couple of times today. I treated him harshly, even unfairly. Those moments can sit so heavily on my heart. They can negate all the other 200 times today that I spoke with kindness, that I regarded him, that I looked at him with deep love, and that I paused to be with him. These moments that I’ve been “so imperfect” are the moments that I share with my husband late at night when we should be in bed and asleep, but my heart aches and, almost as if confessing and wanting SOMEone to absolve me, I share with Brian.
Last night, Brian said, “Lis, do what you know to do. Focus on the good. Focus on the times when you are connecting with the kiddos. Focus on being compassionate to yourself. I wish you could see you as I do, as the kiddos do. You’d see a beautiful, loving mom.”
He is right.
So tonight, I’m focusing on those beautiful hands. Those hands that know how to so gently hold a bug. Those hands that will know how to hold another human being with deep regard and presence as a grown man, possibly, because his “perfectly imperfect” mom chose to go on night walks and catch lightening bugs and practice self-forgiveness.
Love and goodnight,
Lisa A. McCrohan
MA, LCSW-C, RYT
Compassion Coach
New to the Daily Delight Project? Read the first few posts here and learn about the project here.
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Blessings,
Lisa your writing is so beautifully honest, and I am always mesmerized from the opening statement onwards. Thank you for sharing how ‘perfectly imperfect’ you are, for the best role-models show us that they too falter. It helps us know that we are all learning and getting better. Your wonderful husband spoke the truth in reminding you of how much you do right.
Also ~ as a non-Facebooker, I celebrate every article you bring over here. Please bring them all! 🙂
With joyful hugs of gratitude, Gina
Gina, that’s funny you say you are mesmerized from the opening and on. I have been really looking at the way I write and working on finessing things — just becoming a better, stronger writer. And I’ve thought about how my openings could be stronger and my titles — well, they could get more creative! I’m just not a good “title” writer! But I’m glad that this still resonated with you!
Yes, I do believe that the times when I am not so kind and then we all regroup, give our kiddos an opportunity to learn how to forgive, that we all make mistakes, how to address that mistake, and how to regroup and reconnect.
My Brian sure is a lovely husband — always reflecting my goodness.
I can see me doing a lot more on here instead of Facebook. I’m getting tired of just how much there is on there. We will see. You are encouraging me!!!
Lisa
Once again Lisa – you teach by the clarity of your own example. Your children and husband are so blessed to have you be such a loving force in their lives. I agree with Gina – you write from your heart and it’s a joy to read your anecdotes and learn from your experiences as a contemporary Mom ~ perfectly imperfect as you are! So much Love to you and yours … the walk with the lightening bugs sounds magical 🙂 ~ x RL
Thank you, Robyn. Gina is a mom to older ones, too, and offers great perspective! The walk out back was magical. We are hardly out at that time of evening — we are usually getting ready for bed (8:30 – 9), but as our little (big!) six year old is getting older, he is staying up later and spending that alone time with each child is so important. I forget that. They really want alone time where we are focused just on them. I’m recognizing that ALL my heart’s desires are really being fulfilled. I wanted to look out onto something vast in nature — I always assumed this would be with the Barefoot Barn. But a few years ago, I looked in our backyard in our little suburban neighborhood, and i realized, “Gosh, this is the vastness!” We have a huge field – not perfect – it slopes and the grass turns yellow every summer — and then there’s a playground where we can hear children’s voices from our deck. It’s really lovely. It’s all here, now! Love, Lisa
This spoke to me today. I’m having one of those days when all I see are my faults. I needed a good cry and this gave it to me!
Hi Karen,
Thank you for your honesty. Your authentic sharing. Yes, we have those days, those moments. Crying is truly a release. I LOVE this quote and refer to it often with my own self and with clients…
“Crying is one of the highest devotional songs. One who knows crying, knows spiritual practice. If you can cry with a pure heart, nothing else compares to such a prayer. Crying includes all the principles of Yoga.”
― Kripalvanandji
Sweet love to you, Karen.
Lisa