 Today’s Gems of Presence: “Walk beside me.”
Back in May, we “farm sat” for a long weekend. Chewy, one of the dogs, never left our son’s side.
A few days ago, my son and I were out back playing at the playground. It was getting late, even for summer time. “Ok kiddos, time to go in,” I said. I started to walk back toward our house. I was thinking about bath time and missing it – again. I was thinking about the projects Brian and I are working on, how the house is a mess, and deciding whether or not I had energy to work on a few writing assignments.
Then I heard my son call from behind me, “Mom, could you walk beside me?”   Â
I turned and looked at him. He wanted me to walk beside him. Not in front of him. Not behind him. But beside him. I dropped whatever I was thinking about. Somehow the projects didn’t seem that important. The writing assignments could wait. The dishes in the sink could stay there.
“This is what is most important right now,” I whispered to myself as a reminder.
So we walked side-by-side into the house. I gave up the need to rush and worry, and we leisurely chatted a bit while he got an evening snack — me sitting on one of the kitchen stools, elbow resting on the kitchen island, hand cupping my cheek, watching him, listening to him as he poured some milk and grabbed a bite to eat, marveling in this little human being who is growing up so fast.
There are times when we “walk before” our children – times when we need to look ahead as we look out for their well being and their development.
There are times when we “walk behind” our children – giving them space to leave the nest, explore, make decisions on their own, as we watch from a distance.
But then there are the “everyday” times when we are in a rush, we feel the pressure to get things done, and we might miss the silent invitation that is always present:Â to “walk beside” our kiddos.
To slow down,
look them in the eyes,
smile at them,
regard them with our presence,
and BE present. Just for a few moments.
To not be ahead of them, walking to the car, calling back to them to hurry up.
To not be behind them, telling them to hurry down the stairs and get their shoes on and get out the door.
To be beside them, allowing them to take the time to put their shoes on, collect their important toys (spy toys here!), and BE with you.
No guilt here, folks. There is a huuuuge amount of pressure on us in this culture to run our lives according to the clock. And often we are doing it alone – one parent holding the door open, bags in our hands, clicking the cardoor button open, planning the family events, making sure we have snacks, responding to text messages (“Yes, we are coming!” “Sorry! Running late!”), making sure everyone has shoes on. There’s a lot there.
But we CAN slow down – just a bit — and say “YES” to the invitation to walk beside our children – recognizing that this is the most important thing to do in this particular moment.  I am noticing, too, and reflecting on how these little “everyday moments” are what silently and slowly nurture a sense of self in our children. These are the little moments that “add up” and take up residence in our children’s hearts. These are the moments that communicate over and over again, “You matter.”
It’s not perfectly perfect every second of the day. I’m getting over that! There are moments, though, when, instead of being ahead of them or behind them, I can cultivate a posture of “walking beside” my children, even as the clock ticks and our hearts beat to a rhythm WE are creating together.
Blessings,
I love this post Lisa~ not only the VERY IMPORTANT message… but the way you expressed it – once again, pure words from your heart that resonate so beautifully for all of us who know the truths of which you tell – even if it’s at a deeper level than what is conscious. It is those moments in my own motherhood – that I DID walk beside my girls that I can vividly flash-back on and know I present for them in the most significant way I could be. Wonderful words today dearest friend ~ so much love, Robyn
Dear Robyn,
Thank you. You make a lovely point — that when you “flashback” to those moments of when you were present —- that it was in the “most significant ways that I could be”….I am realizing that not EVERY single moment is going to be ideally perfect and we are going to be connecting and I’m going to be soooo present every single moment! I do, however, believe that I am present to the depths of me as much as humanly possible in the ways that I can. Thank you for this reminder, Robyn. Love, Lisa
Very true — so not possible to be perfect – and that’s ok – as I know you know! But it’s nice to do our best to see and hear our children… it’s really the very little things… like lightening bugs and walking side by side… Much Love Lisa! x R
Thank you, Robyn! Love to you. Healing to you. Light to you!
This is such a great reminder to me. My daughter loves for me to be by her side. It’s her love language. She’s 3 and playing with her usually means just sitting with her while she plays. So many times my mind is someplace else, making lists and checking off tasks and I forget to just be with her. I’m too “busy” to be present and share space with her. There’s always enough time for that!
Karen, I LOVE the “love languages!” I use it a lot with clients in counseling and coaching. The concept is simple and it takes the blame or the judgment out of relationships. It gives folks a way of understanding one another. That being said — how beautiful of you to know what your daughter’s love language is already at at THREE! Sweet love! Yes, I so hear you, Karen.
I had been practicing meditation and mindfulness for a long time before the kiddos were born. I had been a therapist for years. And then come these sweet little ones. My goodness! Talk about the most challenging meditation and mindfulness practice!!! Yes, I just keep breathing, connecting with my heart, letting go, allowing, softening, and extending compassion – to my own self and to my dear ones.
There are times when we do need to get stuff done. And that’s just a part of life. But I have found that when I invite in my little ones to help and we act as a team, it goes so much smoother. Less regret. I may not get everything checked off my list, but it is enough.
I find, too, that in the moment I “wake up” and become mindful of how I want to be as a parent in any given moment, I just softly whisper to myself, “It’s ok, dear.” ALL of it is ok — my fears, my desire to get stuff done, my desire to be present, my children’s needs, my need to be resourced, any conflicting feelings. And then I just say, “Ok, so what’s most important in this moment?” And then I do that.
You are a beautiful, mindful mama, Karen!
Love,
Lisa
Oh Lisa, This is so heartwarming. We live in a fast paced world and in the process of trying to get more done, or even just get it done, we lose sight of what is really important. Beautiful blog. You have touched my heart.
By the way: Your children are very blessed to have you for a mom.
Brenda, thank you!!!!! YOU warmed my heart! And actually, I have a few more blog posts coming soon inspired by my son. There’s something about this summer and watching my six year old — just amazing.
Thank you for your affirmation! I think I’m pretty blessed to have these two little ones in my life. IT’s a HUGE responsibility to be care for another human life! Thank you, Brenda. Love, Lisa
I see why people have children…they keep us sane 🙂
Well, and we also get the opportunity to see our “stuff” come out and into the light! And that can be both challenging and an opportunity for our evolution. My children are truly my greatest teachers!!!