It was 10:30 PM at the Atlanta airport. We were coming home from 10 days in Costa Rica. Our day had started early and involved hours of driving through pothole after pothole, hungry and tired kiddos, and long lines for customs. And still, here is my Brian with this look of regard as he listened intently to our son pausing the book they were reading together in order to tell dad another story.
I know this look very well. Brian looked at me this way in graduate school when we started to date. He looked at his 96 year old grandmother this way when he spent afternoons visiting her at his aunt and uncle’s house in between his graduate assistantships, job, and full course load.
He looked at the teens he worked with in youth ministry this way when they went through some grief-filled years of losing classmates to suicide and car accidents.
He looked at the changing leaves on the trees at Walden Pond this way when we took breaks from our rigorous schedule.
It’s a look of “I am totally here.”
It’s a look of “I see you, love.”
It’s a look of “You matter.”
Still, today, he looks at me this way. He looks at me this way when we are cleaning up after dinner and the kiddos have full bellies and are content for 10 minutes and I pass him the leftovers to put into the frig. He looks at me this way when I tell him I want his thoughts about something I’m working on (again), it’s late at night and he has about two hours of work still to do. He looks at me this way when I am teaching or giving a workshop and I am front and center and I look out and see him.
It is a look of deep regard.
It is a look of complete presence.
It is a look of total acceptance.
Brian looks at our children this way. When he is reading to them. When they interrupt him to ask questions. When they want yet another story. When our son wants to go on a nature walk. When our daughter is dancing to made up dance steps and songs in the middle of the kitchen.
He is teaching our children to look with deep regard at the littlest of creatures and things in nature — snails, spiders, clouds, leaves on a tree. They go for walks, the find “nature” wherever they go — even in suburbia. He is teaching them to pause, look intently, and regard all of life.
In this fast-paced, “no-time-for-loving-eye-contact” world, we can forget to really “see” another. We can forget to regard another. We can forget that all of us want to be seen, to have someone’s full presence for a moment or two, and to be fully accepted. We can forget that every day we are dealing with tender, tender hearts.
The way Brian sees another reminds me of the wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh. In his book, True Love, TNH talks about how loving another person begins with showing up. Showing up and being present. Showing up and saying, “I see you. I see you are suffering. And that is why I am here.”
These everyday looks of deep regard are healing. They have a way of deeply nourishing our tender souls. When I see Brian in moments like I happened to capture here at the Atlanta airport as I held our sleepy three year old, something in me softly smiles and says, “This must be the way the divine looks at us — whole, adored, and loved completely.”
mutual regard
***********
Dear readers, notice how you “look” at another person. Notice how you “see” them — do you look through them? Do you look at them? Do you really SEE them? Do you leave room for them to be human, to take their time, to not have it all together? Do you regard them?
How do you look at yourself? How do you look at your own reflection in the morning before your shower or at night as you brush your teeth? How do you regard yourself?
I do believe that these everyday ways of looking with regard heal many deep wounds.
** Thank you for sharing your own heart stirrings – with me, with your dear ones, with this world. I hope these words inspire you to live with more delight, compassion, and connection in your everyday lives.
Blessings,
Oh Lisa. I can’t tell you how much reading this has moved me. The world is forever changed thanks to yourself and Brian. The amount of wisdom, kindness and compassion you both have is astounding. It radiates through each word, each photo, every interaction.
I am so blessed to ‘know’ you both.
Much love,
Meg
Meg, tears are in my eyes right now! I am so so grateful for your kind, kind words. I do believe in what you say here. It was part of our wedding vows that our love for each other IS for us to soak up and enjoy…but it is also for the healing of this world. I bow in deep, deep gratitude to be right here in this life at this point in time and this “responsibility.” I do hope — my sincere hope — is that “our loving” is offered out to the world — in ways we will never know.
I am going to bed with your beautiful comment on my heart. Thank you, Meg.
Lisa
You have both really changed my lives ♥. So many times through the day you pop into my mind Lisa. You remind me to be patient, to be loving, to breathe, and to just “be”. You have taught me not to rush, to be mindful and so much more.
And I have to say that Brian is setting the bar high for every other man out there :-).
Sweet dreams and much love,
Meg
I know what Meg is saying about Brian. Such a compliment. He just glows with love. I do think this is how the divine sees us. Just as divine…
Jodi – thank you! You really described it well – he does glow with love. I wish this for every person
I love this post. Thank you so much for sharing.
~Jami
Jami – thanks so much! It looks like you have a beautiful look of “regard”, too, with your dear ones! Love, Lisa
This is so beautiful. Just lovely.
Sally, thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it. I’m glad this resonated with you! Blessings, Lisa
This is what I would give anything for…..
Tricia, I hear you. We all long to be regarded. It’s wired in us to connect with others. It’s wired in us to belong to another and to a tribe. When that doesn’t happen at times in our lives – as infants, children, teens, adults – it creates a huge hole, a huge ache. I hear you. Keep GIVING YOURSELF regard. Keep treating yourself with deeeeeeep regard. Honor yourself — your body, your thoughts, your heart.
Blessings,
Lisa
Thank you.
I am filled with gratitude that there are people like you and Brian on our planet. You (both of you) show us what it means to be divinely human.
Brenda, as always, you make my heart smile. Thank you. I like how you wrote “you” for me and Brian — at times it feels like, yes, we are two distinct human beings, but we are one. Made me smile. Love you, Lisa
What a gift this writing and pictures are, thank you.
Brenda, I’m really glad this spoke to you. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Many blessings of DEEP regard, Lisa
What a beautiful family! What lucky children to have parents like you two. Your post touched me. Thank you.
Old Sunbird, thank you!
This is very meaningful to me. The pictures say it too. Thank you for these thoughts and for your intentions. We are all getting lifted up by each other. Thank you so ,much! My Words can’t express, but yours did!
Thank you, Joanne. I’m glad you stopped by. I’m glad this was meaningful to you. Blessings, Lisa
Beautifully connected people pass on message more touchingly to others. Thanks for such a wonderfull life you shared. I hope I do it to myself, my tiny things every day and hope I reach out to my son too soon. Though you want , though you know these thing done happen as we tend to finish our more to do list than more to live list.
Thanks. Keep sharing
Sushma, thank you for your lovely comment. It encourages me to keep writing and sharing. Blessings, Lisa
I’m Deeply Touched. And ‘Hi, Brenda’ it’s great to come across your page thru Jane Lansbury. You wrote well and that touched me. It really takes a great person to appreciate what’s around them. Love from Elayne Malaysia.
Oops sorry, should be ‘Hi Lisa’ Looking forward to your next post. Best regards from Elayne Malaysia
Hi Elayne! I’m glad you found this site via Jane Lansbury. Thank you for your kind words. And I’m grateful you took the time to comment and share your words with me. I hope you continue to enjoy what you read here and that it inspires you to live with a deep sense of delight, compassion, and connection in your everyday life. Many blessings, Elayne. Lisa
Wow. This article really humbled me. I didn’t realize how bad I was at this until I read what you wrote. Thank you for helping me see what I need to change (P.S. I really love those pictures. You can just see the love in everyone’s eyes.)
Celese, oh love, I hear you — yes, these moments can humble us…but be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. I have to say the same thing to myself – often. Even see the next post (I just wrote) about a shift in my paradigm and letting go of assumptions. Major humble moment!
Celese, I’m glad you are here! Blessings, Lisa
Reading this has made me feel ashamed. I’m reading what you’re saying and seeing what damage I’ve been doing to my two girls and to my mother. It’s reminded me of the things I wanted to do, of the relationships I wanted to have and of the daughter and mother I would have liked to be. I lost it somewhere in my struggle to survive but you’ve reminded me of what’s important. And I pray I can apply some of what I’ve read here today and change my relationships before its too late. So I say a heartfelt thank you!
Ohhhhhh dear heart….Dear Salima, it is never too late. So now you’ve had a moment of “waking up”, of “seeing clearly.” Be gentle with yourself. We hurt others when we are suffering, when we are in pain, when we are hurting. Be gentle with yourself. And now just begin with THIS new breath, THIS moment, THIS experience, THIS opportunity to connect with your own heart, your mom, and your daughters. I’m going to email you offline, too. Blessings, Lisa
Your photos brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing. So beautiful.
I need to do this more. To stop, slow down, not fill myself so full of all areas of life, that there is no room for the moments that TRULY matter, that feed my heart and soul. I have been terrible lately, I have seen it and your piece and beautiful images gave my “lack”, my “absence” a name. Thank you. I have been in a state of transition, of upheaval, of trying to grow… and you have helped put another step along the path I need to change to, and begin to follow with renewed dedication. Deep Breath.