Tonight I am reflecting on the assumptions I made today about what was going on in the hearts and minds of others in my family today. I had a story line going in my head – created from my own fears, needs, and insecurities.
Turns out I was wrong. Turns out that one of my dear ones is dealing with an injury that has them a bit scared. I had no idea. When I found out, I looked back at the afternoon with my family in such a different way.
I saw their kindness, their desire to be about me – not against me. Toooootally different than the perspective I had earlier as I looked through the narrow “it’s about me” lens and got rigid and stressed. I got out of the victim roll and was filled with compassion and softer eyes for my own self and my family.
It shows me again how we can so get “tunnel vision” and assume we know what’s going on inside others, especially the people closest to us.
The truth is we don’t know the intimate inner workings of another.
We don’t know the inner landscape of another.
We don’t know the deep reasons they may act the way they do.
We don’t know the suffering they have experienced and the wounds they are tending to.
What if we were to start the week with treading lightly in the presence of others? Just when we assume we “got them down,” can we remember that we don’t know what they are carrying in their hearts and minds?
Can we remember what we DO know?
That they could use our compassion more than our critique…
That they could use space to be human instead of expecting them to be perfect?
This is big! This is hard. This is healing.
Perhaps this week, we can remember to take things less personally and send a blessing to each other instead of a harsh look or word. I know that I need to remember this.
Many blessings,
MA, LCSW-C, RYT
* Dear friends, be nourished and resourced in your everyday life. Check out compassion coaching, my novel and nourishing approach to life coaching. See how it might resonate with you and support you in loving and living from your heart.
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Blessings,
Love this. Such good advice to start the week. 🙂
Thank you.
~Jami
Jami, thank you!! This is was a real humble moment! It has softened me even more today and I feel like I am just allowing more and more — allowing others to be human — and also my own self! I’m glad this resonated with you and inspired your week! Blessings, Lisa
ExActly. I’ve said this very thing to a few bloggers in response to their posts. We are all preoccupied with our own story — and take in others autobiographically. We filter the world (including our own family) through our own fears, hopes, experiences. Takes quite a bit of maturity and love really to step into their shoes, see from their eyes.
Oh you got it, girl! TOTALLY! And those of us who are mindful, those of us who are in the “profession” of looking deeply and journeying with others to do the same – we have to really mindful/conscious of remembering that we are human, too, and we all have a storyline! This was just another opportunity for me to see that! love, lisa
=) Love connecting with you. I hope you enjoy(ed) the Words Between Mom and Boy post and the Mom and Boy music duet. Saying this as a fellow mom now. Xxxx Diana
Oh Lisa, we are connected! This post comes just in time for me to read. I think this is so true! But we often forget not to take things personally.. it’s hard but doable.
I have an anecdote to share:
On Friday, I went to the gym and I was the only one there. Usually, the guy I currently like, goes to the gym on friday nights, too. This Friday he didn’t come but I thought he would. Before knowing he wouldn’t come, another girl entered the gym, a slimmer, younger than me girl. She kept looking at the window and I started to create a story in my mind. I have the assumption that she likes the same guy as me, and considering she does speak to him, I imagined she had appointed a meeting with him, and was waiting for him (considering she NEVER goes to the gym on fridays). I believed my story, and got into the worst mood ever!!!!. But I decided to chat her up and realised my crazy story was just that: a crazy product of my imagination. I actually liked her a lot and we chatted for about an hour.
Sorry for my rant in here, but I just wanted to let you know through it, how much this post resonated with me 🙂
Erika, I LOVE this! This is a perfect story to illustrate how our minds work!!! AND — get worked up! We start going down a particular storyline and we get further and further along and get deeper entrenched in our story — AND feeling RIGHT! I love how you shared this, Erika! How beautiful of YOU to wake up and see what was happening — and then to offer yourself some compassion!!! (by the way — just go up to the guy! Go up to him!). Love to you, girl! Lisa
awesome sharing from the heart 🙂
Thank you, dear Kim! I’m glad you are here! Lisa
What a wonderful message to start the day with! I know that I wake up on Monday planning my day and week, often with expectations of others. Those expectations can be a burden to everyone, especially without a compassionate heart. Thanks for setting a softer tone!
Yes, Karen, this has set a softer tone for my week, too! I hear you about planning the week and thinking about others and our perceived assumption about THEIR expectations. It can be a lot to hold. Glad you are infusing your week with a bit of compassion and softness! Blessings to you, dear Karen!!!
I just posted a lagniappe about this. http://brendamarroyauthor.com/2013/08/13/lagniappe-compassion-a-poem-by-miller-williams/
I’m very aware of how true this is. Compassion is the word, isn’t it?
Hi Brenda, I’m so grateful you shared this article/post. I’m heading over to read your lagniappe! Yes, I’m very aware, too, how compassion “is it” — this is how we heal our own hearts (and bodies and minds), others, and our world. I so love being connected with you, Brenda.
Lisa
That was wonderfully put. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Celese. I usually just write what is on my heart and in my day — and this came up. It was a humbling experience. Blessings to you, Lisa