Our six year old son had just gotten home from Cub Scouts. It was late. I had just tucked our daughter into and bed and she was fast asleep. I was tired. But I had a full day at work and I was looking forward to a little time just with our son doing our nightly routine of story, pillow talk and cuddling.
No doubt there are times when I desperately look forward to the much-needed hour after our kiddos are in bed. To be honest, there are times when I want to just speed up the whole bedtime process so I can get downstairs and write about mindfulness (true!). But tonight, I wanted to cuddle and linger with our son. See, since school started back up, I feel the ache of time passing. We’ve entered a new phase. He is more aware of the world “outside of home” and he is more in the world – outside of my tender care. And I regard some of these quiet moments when he wants me nearby as precious.
We read a chapter in his Hardy Boys mystery book, turned off the lights, and instead of the usual pillow talk that he initiates, he was silent. He was tired too. Out of the quiet, he said, “mom, would you sleep with me awhile?”
“Sure, my Love,” I said to him. I recognize I’ll have years to go to my desk and write. I’m betting I only have a few years left until he stops asking me to tuck him in and stay awhile.
Quiet, we laid there. Moments passed and I thought he was asleep. I lingered still, listening to him breathing, beginning to compose a story in my head.
Then suddenly, “Mommyyyyy!” He groans.
“What?!” I shot up. I thought he was in pain.
“I can’t say it! It’s hurting my brain!” He shouted, contorting his face, gripping his hands, curling up. I realized it wasn’t his body that hurt, it was his heart.
Instinctively, I put my hand on his heart. “Name it,” I gently invited him, “Let it be spoken and breathed so we can hold it together,” I told him. “I’ll wait.”
Slowly, he softened enough to speak. He recalled something from last year that he regretted (small in my book but a big deal to him). “I can’t get it out of my head, mom! It’s blocking my brain!”
“Love,” I said as I held him and stroked his head, “Do you know what to do?” I took his hand gently and said, “Put your hand on your heart. Say to yourself, ‘Forgiven. Dear Love, It’s ok. It’s ok. Forgiven’.”
And with my hand on top of his, we rested our hands on his heart repeating these comforting words. He began to relax.
“My dear,” I whispered to him as we laid there, “Love heals everything. Love heals everything.”
When those words breathed into the space around us, I believed them with every bone in my body. In that moment, if there was any truth I desired my son to carry with him for the rest of his life, it was this. Love heals everything. To not fight hatred or go to battle with shame. To not push away, resist or cling. But to allow love in.
I could feel his body relax. I could hear his breathing deepen. And within a few minutes, he drifted off to sleep.
“Forgiven” he could rest.
How many of us have tried to hide, hate, or push away shame? How many of us have tried to “work out our shame” by working incredibly long hours, turning away from those we love the most, eating, numbing out in front of the TV?
How many of us need to hear these words?
“Forgiven.”
“It’s ok, Love. It’s ok.”
~ It’s ok to let go of the shame that you have held on to for years, maybe even decades.
~ It’s ok to soften and stop beating yourself up.
~ It’s ok to put down what you have carried with you for so long.
~ It’s ok to forgive yourself.
Love heals everything.
In my work with adults, I find that all of us hold on to regrets. Some think, “If I loosen up and let myself off the hook, I won’t change” or “what I did was too horrible.”
Fighting it doesn’t work. Forcing it to go away, it just comes back. Numbing out doesn’t help us to settle. Beating ourselves up doesn’t motivate us.
~ Remembering our innate goodness motivates us to take wise action.
~ Opening our hearts and forgiving ourselves leads us to opening our hearts to loving others in nourishing, healthy ways.
Love heals everything.
Like with my son, when we let love in, our breath softens, our brows soften, our bodies relax with relief, our hearts become lighter, and we can rest.
Love heals everything, dear friends.
Thumbs up!
Try this:
-You just got into it with your teenage daughter and you yelled at her. Put your hand on your heart and say to yourself, “Forgiven.”
-You realize you have been closing yourself off from your partner for a few years now. Take a few breathes, relaxing into this moment and say to yourself, “It’s okay love, it’s okay.”
-You did something years ago that you still think about late at night when everything is quiet. Notice how it has felt to carry this around. Say to yourself, “I see you. I see you are in pain. I am here. You are forgiven.”
Love heals everything.
** Dear friends, during this holiday season, consider getting gifts that inspire your dear ones. Give them messages that they need to hear every single day. You can find inspiring messages on my Shop. Also, consider downloading some of the meditations I have in my shop to support and nourish you with calm and clarity this holiday season.
Blessings,
This is a wonderful post! I will remember it with the kids.
Jenn 🙂
Sent from my iPhone
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Thanks, Jenn! Love to you guys!!!
Everyone should have a mother as wonderful as you. Beautiful and inspirational as always, Lisa. Thank you so much.
Oh Susan, I sure do try, but I also mess up…a lot! I really appreciate your kindness and compliments! I hope my stories inspire people to live with more compassion in their lives. Love, Lisa
Beautiful! As always, your posts inspire me to be a better person.
Thanks, girl! I really always appreciate your words of affirmation! Love, Lisa
Lisa,
This message couldn’t come at a better time for me! Thank you!
Stanley
Stanley! I’m so glad. Many wishes of wholeness and goodness to you.
Lisa
I am working on a blog now about loving kindness and how it is helping to heal my heart. Thank you for this beautiful story about you and your son.
Brenda, I’ll write to you off the blog. We should talk. I want to hear more about what you are writing, what you are experiencing, how you are healing. You know that my whole life is about lovingkindness and compassion. YES this is what heals our hearts. Truly, truly, truly. The world needs to hear more and more how compassion heals. I’ll write to you. Lisa
I look forward to hearing from you.
So beautiful! xoxo
Jodi, I was just thinking of you this past week! I’ve got to go to blog and check out your latest posts. I’ve been intentionally offline a lot more. But I need to reconnect to your lovely words and inspiration! Love to you, Jodi. Lisa
I hardly ever comment on blogs even though I often read something that strikes a chord…but THIS!…this is beautiful. It is exactly what I needed to read right now – I’m going to print it off and put it someplace so I can remind myself of this beautiful and important message. THANK YOU
Cammie, I am so so grateful you left this reply! You are totally encouraging me! THank you. A deep bow of gratitude to you. I hope you stick around and read more posts on this message of inspiring more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives. Love, Lisa
I am forever grateful for the time (times?) I truly heard my 13-year-old son (now 30!), turned away from my work, and listened for two hours as he poured out his heart-hurt about his friends making poor choices. Such wisdom and compassion in a 13-year-old! I try to remember and learn. Bless you for this gift of time and insight you give to us.
Oh Holly, that is really really beautiful!!! You are a testament to how we all will look back on our lives in the early parenting years and be so grateful for the times when we remembered what matters most. I’m so glad you are here. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and let me know (part of!) your story! Thank you for being such a lovely mom, too. Love, Lisa
Thank you for such a wonderful post! It couldn’t of came at a better time. My husband needs to read this and learn to forgive his self and others as well. He has a lot to let go of!
ohhhhh Savannah, I so hear you! EVERY single person I know could you use a dose of self-compassion and that INCLUDES forgiveness. Every December I facilitate a workshop for work (Georgetown University) for faculty and staff on forgiveness. It’s really beautiful. I find that it’s a lovely way to then arrive in the holidays as clearer, more focused on what matters. Love to you, Savannah. I’m glad you came by! Please keep reading! Love, Lisa
Yes how the men in our lives carry so much with so few outlets for processing them or really healing them. I hope this resonates with your husband! Let me know. Blessings, Lisa
Thank you, thank you. I really needed this. Thanks for crossing my path today, you helped 🙂
Hugs & love
Thank you. I am grateful that this message crossed your path today when you needed it. I find that happens to me, too — even with my own writing…I listen and write something from my heart and often I look back at the paper in front of me and say, “Wow, I needed that today.” I hope you return and more of these little Gems speak to you. Blessings, Lisa
Beautiful post Lisa. Had me in tears. Thank you. x