A month ago, I started to ask myself three questions.  I wanted to live with deeper intention, calm, and clarity.  AND I wanted to react a heck of a lot less to the stress in my life and the people I love.  I’ve noticed a huge shift in how I am living.  And I want to share this with you in hopes that you, too, may experience a big shift, a deeper exhale, and more love flowing in you and around you.

I had fallen into the habit of staying up late and then getting up when the kiddos get up. Disaster! With “no time” for my morning meditation practice, I often felt frustrated with one kiddo jumping on me in bed, another wanting milk. I’d get all agitated with everyone in our bed – all before 7:30 a.m. I’d end up feeling awful because I just started the day off for everyone by reacting and getting annoyed. And come evening, I’d stay up late trying to get things done and then not have the energy to really reflect on my day.

I justified staying up late because there was work that I just “HAD” to do. Brian once asked, “What can you let go of?” I nearly bit his head off and said, “Nothing! It’s ALL important! I have to do it all!”

The truth is, there was lots I could let go of. The truth is some of my priorities were all off. I realized that, again, the wise sages throughout the ages are right on: you have to set up meditative rituals that bring you back to center.

But how can you do that if you aren’t a monk living in a monastery?!   I’d love to share with you what I’ve done to bring in these simple meditative rituals into my day to help me stay grounded.

Whether you are a parent or busy professional, set up these three meditative rituals to help you stay centered.

In the morning…

I started to get back on track by waking up before the kiddos.  THIS is the key. Even it is just 10 minutes earlier than everyone else in your house, get up!  If you usually hit the ground running, get up 10 minutes earlier.

Then ask yourself, “How can I love today?”

And I start to visualize loving – starting with myself and the dear ones in my life and then extending out to those I see in our day. Even if it is a brief moment of “turning inward,” tuning into my breath, and preparing my heart for the day, I am doing it.

Because really – even if you run a busy medical practice, your the CEO of a large company, or you have a toddler or teenager to look after, when it really comes down to it, what matters in the end of life isn’t how much we accomplished but how deeply we loved.  Period.

Throughout the day…

One of the biggest questions I get from coaching and psychotherapy clients who are parents or professionals leading teams of people is this:  How can I manage my own emotional reaction when someone (kid or colleague) is acting up?  I have you covered!

When someone is starting to rustle your feathers, PAUSE and GET GROUNDED.  Here I laid out the steps of “getting grounded” for you.

Then, ask yourself, “How can I love in this moment?”

Sounds hokey as a professional?  Really your job is to serve — a client, a customer, or even the members of your team you manage.  So if the word “love” throws you off, ask yourself, “How can I serve in this moment?”

This will start to remind you of why you are here AND get strategic about how to connect with the people you serve and shift the problem situation into a win-win for you both.  It will also help keep your nervous system from going into full “fight or flight” mode and saying a bunch of things you might regret.  I LOVE teaching my coaching and therapy clients about the nervous system and simple “brain hacks” to wire your brain for less stress and more “rest and digest.”

In the evening…

And in the evening, instead of staying up late and trying to get more work done, I decided put aside writing the next blog post, returning emails, etc.  I put up a big BOUNDARY around evening time.  In our 24-7 culture, no one is going to put up this boundary for you.  If you need more on setting healthy boundaries, check out my post on How Wise Women Set Healthier Boundaries (it’s good for men, too!).

I get to bed 10 minutes earlier. And I’m definitely asleep before 11.  When I’m tucked in bed, I review my day and I ask myself, “How fully did I love today?”

This has helped me to get honest with myself — not judgmental, but honest.

Just be real with yourself.  Did you fully love today?  How did you fully love?  When didn’t you?  What can you resolve to do tomorrow that is aligned with how you want to lead your life?

What I’ve noticed by putting these three meditative rituals into my day…

~ I noticed that I react a lot during the day when I was multi-tasking. Loving in the moment is difficult if I am trying to get myself ready, get the kiddos ready, make breakfast, make my to-do list, be present with the kiddos, make sure we aren’t missing anything important for school – oh and get everyone out the door.

And I have a choice — I can slow down. Do less. Let go of what reallllly doesn’t have to be done. And focus on what matters most.

~ I’ve noticed that I tend to pull back from loving when I feel alone, responsible for everything, and that my deeper need is not being “seen.”

And I have a choice — I can choose to tune into my breath, put my hand on my heart, give myself loving attention and then see how this softens me, connects me, and helps me let go of old worries and responsibilities I no longer have to carry.

~ I’ve noticed that I really am mindful and heartful. I’ve noticed that by forgiving myself, seeing the good, and gently bringing to light the shadow sides of me, I let love in. I soften. I go to sleep with fewer regrets.

Here are a few Haiku poems I wrote to inspire us all to ask these three questions every day.

Regret
I held back my love
Did not share what’s on my heart.
Fear lodged words inside.

Let Love In
I want to pull back
Old habits weaved within me
Yet one choice now: Love.

Now
I opened my heart
Spoke the words I longed to say
Freedom kisses me.

Lisa McCrohan, MA, LCSW-C, SEP

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Dear friends, if you want to live with more clarity and a deeper focus on what matters, try bringing these three meditative rituals into your day and asking these three questions. Begin your day with visualizing how you can love today. SEE yourself as you go about your normal, everyday routine — and see how there is an opportunity for you to choose to love.

As you go about your day, ask yourself how you can love in this moment. THIS IS HARD when you are stressed (being hit by a toddler, yelled at by a teenager! I know!) But the more and more you practice, it WILL come into your mind as an option!.

And in the evening, get real with yourself by asking how fully you loved today. Be gentle and compassionate toward yourself. Remember to ask how fully you loved YOURSELF! And let that inform how you will go about your day tomorrow.

These simple rituals can support you in living an intentional life that you love.

If you want to personalized guidance, grab a free consult with me to check out how working with me in coaching or psychotherapy can support you to heal the stress and live with more love.  It’s easy to book a half-hour session with me.  Just click on the “schedule consult” button and select a time that works best for you.  I’ll call you at that time.  You’ll share a bit about what’s going on and I can share how I can help you.  It’s a low-risk way to see good it can feel to not go at life alone.  I’m also so not big on pressuring people to come work with me. If it’s a good fit and I see clearly how I can really help you, I’ll tell you that.  If not, I’ll share with you my suggestions for where to go next.  So take the first step and book a consult.