A few weeks ago, I was racing out the front door with too many things in my hands and I shut the door. Instantly I knew I didn’t have my keys. Crap. Should I call Brian? I knew that if he came back, he’d be late for an important meeting that he was facilitating. Neighbor? No one has our key. I had an appointment – and I was late.
I sat on the steps for a moment and surprisingly, I started to tear up. “Pull it together, Lisa,” I said to myself. “What’s the big deal?” I said as I started to judge myself.
Isn’t this what we do when these moments of feeling broken arrive in our day, unplanned, and seemingly unprovoked? A word someone says sounds off putting. A gesture your partner makes leaves you feeling “not seen.” You drop off your kiddos at school and you feel a quiet sadness swim across your heart. And you say, “Pull it together?” or “What’s that all about?” But there’s something we can do in those moments of self-judgment…keep reading!
I called Brian. “I’ll race back and open the door,” he said.
But I didn’t want him to race. I’m sick of racing. I don’t want anyone in my family or anyone in this world to have to hurry – to amp up their nervous systems and stress out their adrenal glands.
With my face in my hands, I heard from within me, “I’m holding too much.”
I paused. Yes, I’m holding too much.
How many of us hold too much? Too much trying to get it all perfectly aligned, the kiddos getting along perfectly, a perfect meal schedule for the week? How many of us hold too many commitments? How many of us hold too much of other people’s stuff? How about running around too much?
In the moment I saw I was holding too much, that inner voice, that whisper of deep truth that you can’t deny, rose up from within me and I heard her loud and clear, “Hold only what matters, dear heart. Hold only what matters.”
Hold only what matters.
What matters?
It’s not trying to get it all perfect – sound perfect, cook perfect, parent perfect, have a perfect plan for…everything. It’s not being strong and “pushing through.” It’s not denying these “little griefs” that flood our hearts in the middle of running from one thing to the next. It’s definitely not hurrying.
Hold ONLY what matters.
I didn’t hear “Hold what really matters AND the crap that doesn’t.”
I heard, “hold ONLY what matters.” I felt the invitation (or swift kick in my behind) to sift out the stuff that doesn’t and stop doing it. Or limit it. Get focused on what does matter.
What do I need to hold? What really matters today?
Being true to my own heart. Pausing when my kiddos are around and looking at them. Letting go of old habits of relating, holding back, feeling “I’m in this all alone and it’s all up to me.” Shining – yes, shining. Writing the poetry on my heart. Eating nourishing foods. Making time to talk with my mom. Honoring my body and taking a nap this afternoon. Moving my body. And slowing down.
This is holding only what matters.
That’s a day well spent. That’s a lifetime well spent holding only what matters.
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Dear ones, what if today you decide to “hold only what matters” and get rid of the other stuff?
The first thought might be, “but I can’t! I have to……” But ya know what, we CAN start looking at our lives and saying, “yes, I can.”
There are times when dinner matters – but getting it perfect doesn’t.
There are times when getting the dishes done matters – but doing that ALONG with trying to attend to 8 million others things doesn’t.
There are times when going grocery shopping matters – but doing it at a sprint doesn’t.
Let’s encourage each other to start making more time for holding only what matters – like pausing in our day, quitting the whole multi-tasking thing we are all addicted to, spending time just listening to our hearts, and spend time focused on our dear ones – really seeing them.
Here’s to holding ONLY what matters in YOUR life!
Blessings,
It’s kind of funny, this very morning I decided I was fed up with carrying around a huge heavy purse filled with things that, while they do occasionally come in handy, do not get used on a regular basis. So I downsized to a much smaller purse (actually, it is really a make-up bag I got free with a purchase years ago, but I think it looks enough like a purse to pass). It feels good to carry less around, and I do believe it is time to remove some other clutter – material and mental. It is not only time to spring clean our houses, but our entire lives! This week, I will be re-evaluating a lot of things and trying to figure out what is necessary and beneficial, and what isn’t.
Rachel. I’m there with you! (Though I seem to be carrying a bigger bag this spring/summer! I’m making room for putting in water bottles, etc. and making it EASY for me to carry stuff!) I’m with you, though, in this “cleaning out” — our closets and our lives. Love ya friend. lisa
Lisa –
I just came across the link to this post from Shawn Fink – Abundant Mama. Your words really, really spoke to me. As someone who chronically holds too much (some circumstantial, not of my own volition), I totally felt the tears well up when the door slammed and the realization hit that the keys were left in the house. Thank you, thank you for this post. You made me think and feel and open up a space of compassion for myself.
Addie, I love Shawn and all the amazing work she is doing for mamas! Thank you for YOUR words. I hear you (obviously!) about holding too much. I feel like I go through seasons of holding more than I need to — and like you mention, there are times when some of what we are holding is just circumstantial and that’s reality. I’m finding that in those times, I can choose how I’ll RELATE to what is happening. That makes such a huge difference! Glad you are here, Addie. love, Lisa
This is what is happening in my life also. I’m putting busy stuff down so I can make a phone call to someone who is hurting, or just to say, “I love you and I’m thinking of you.” For a while I got caught up in getting stuff done and noticed I was putting connecting to others on the back burner, after my busy stuff. I’m changing that pattern, one step at a time.
This is a wonderful read, Lisa. Love and hugs from perfect me who does so much imperfectly, to perfect you who does things imperfectly also. 🙂
Brenda, wise woman, I am always grateful for your comments and supportive words. I value what you say because I know you MEAN what you say! I, too, find myself having to be conscious to put down the busy stuff and focus on actual RELATIONSHIPS in my everyday life. I can get bogged down in the “stuff” that has to get done that I forget to a. do it with joy (that I have a choice) and b. focus on what really matters. Thank you for telling me that you too go through times of this as well. I’m glad we are in this together. Love, Lisa
Lisa,
I love this. It’s pretty often, I have to admit, that i hear a voice in my head telling me I’m holding too much. And I try to remember what matters, and to drop the rest of it … sometimes that’s hard, to be honest. But thank you for this reminder to do so. xox
Lindsey, do I give the impression that it comes easy to me? I wonder about that some times. I hear this voice sooooo often, “Lis, let it go” or “Lis, this really doesn’t matter” or “Love, you are holding too much.” Since I posted this in the spring, I have been ever so aware of (mindfully putting my attention on) WHAT I am holding and to really look at “does this matter? If so, keep holding. If not, let it go.” Just this morning, I could’ve gone into the basement and spazzed because of the mess down there and the kiddos whirling around playing and dancing. The noise, the mess…it was a lot. Old stories start to flood my mind. I heard, “This doesn’t matter, really, Lis” and I literally said out loud, “Ok, no big deal.”
Also, too, though I was thinking about this when I wrote the update to this post on FB, what DOES matter is self-care. What DOES matter is being nourished. I have to be ever so mindful of this. It’s nuts that we can feel guilty for taking time out to care for ourselves.
Love to you.
Lisa