Today we are starting the new school year.  My son is up and ready to go – suitcoat on (oh yes!).  I feel the HURRY returning.  I feel the anxiety wanting to creep back into my veins – to hurry and eat breakfast, to hurry and get out the door, to hurry and make it through the traffic lights, to hurry and get to school.

But no.  I’m not hurrying.

As we are starting the new school year, I’m bringing some of this past summer into our day.  This summer, we did a lot of “abiding with.”  I didn’t rush them.  I didn’t hurry them.   We were just “together” – abiding with each other.

It makes me think about the messages our children receive every day.  It makes me think about the messages I want my children to get this school year.

I see how hurrying my children doesn’t do anything good for their nervous system – OR our relationship.  Yes, there are parenting strategies upon parenting strategies on how to get your kids to listen.  I’m talking, though, about this simple word staying in the forefront of my mind and heart as I hold all that we have to do, as I look at the clock, as I make lunches: Abide. 

I keep hearing from deep within me, “You don’t have to rush them.  You can abide with them.”

I don’t live in some fantasy world that we have “all the time in the world” in the morning.  But what I’ve noticed is that it doesn’t take long to communicate a message of love rather than a message of disregard.  It doesn’t take more time to make eye contact, to soften my voice, to slow down, and to regard my dear ones.

As a psychotherapist, I see how children are hurried to get up, eat breakfast, get on the bus, go to the bathroom, get their lunch, finish their math work, go and play at recess, jump in the car and get to soccer practice, eat dinner, and go to bed.

What message do you think this communicates to our children?

The messages I want my children — and ALL our children — to get this school year aren’t “hurry up” and “you’re falling behind.”  The messages I want my children to get at this school year and in every single day of their lives are:

“You matter”

“I see you”

“I’ll abide with you.”

I noticed this about my son’s kindergarten teacher two years ago.  She had a LOT of students to greet.  It was a new school and that lends itself to its own sense of special chaos.  But she greeted EVERY SINGLE CHILD.  And not just on the first day of school.  EVERY DAY.

She would bend down, put out her hand, look each child in the eyes, and with a big smile, say, “Hi….. I’m so glad you are here today!”

EVERY single child.

EVERY day.

It didn’t take any longer than any other type of greeting.  But it meant the WORLD to each child.

It communicated, “You matter.”   

It communicated regard.  It said, “I see you.” 

And it said, “I am abiding with you – in all that you experience and feel. I’ll be here alongside you.”

And THAT is everything.

That little gesture stopped the world for a moment for each child.  That little gesture set the tone for the day.  That little gesture – done every single day over time had a way of settling deep into my son’s sense of self.  Now, my daughter has this teacher and it’s her second year with her.  This will be the third year I watch Mrs. B. greet her students and it still brings tears to my eyes.

With the eye of a mindful therapist, I’ve also noticed this:  Mrs. B.’s greeting sets the tone for how the students enter the classroom because it calms their nervous systems (with a dose of oxytocin that we get when we “connect” with someone).   It also sets the tone for how students treat and regard each other.

Whether we are at school or at home – whether we are educators, parents, babysitters, coaches, or another parent on the playground…every single time we can say, “Stop the world for a moment” — just a moment — and ABIDE with our kiddos, we are building them up.

And in a world where they will get lots of different messages, in a world that will hurry our children and amp up their nervous systems, in a world that is increasingly less focused on connection, when we choose to ABIDE with our kiddos, we are sending the message to them OVER and over again, “I see you” and “You matter.”

And that matters more to me as a parent, compassionate-world-builder, and humanitarian.

I want all our children to start the day with the message, “You matter” and “I see you.”  I want them to feel what it’s like when someone ABIDES with them – who is alongside them – rather than someone who hurries them.

Can you imagine your child going through the next — however many hundreds of school days we have in an academic year — with these messages every single day?  Can you imagine the world we are creating with these messages?

I can.  So as for me, I’m investing in our children’s future and our world’s future by communicating “I want to abide with you” rather than “I want you to hurry up” – with my own children, with the children I see at school, with your children.   THIS is the message I want all our children to hear at the start of the school year and the start of their lives.

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My dear readers, let your voice, your words, your eyes communicate, “I see you” and “you matter.”  Let your pace communicate, “I’ll abide with you” – whether you are upset, quiet, tantruming, turning away from me…I’ll be here alongside you.

When I first started putting my poetry on the poetic leather wrist wraps, friends and parents started getting these wraps for their children.  YES!  I want all our children to have little reminders, little touchstones, throughout the day that send them the messages we want them to hear.  Messages like “I cherish you” and “you were born to shine” and “follow what delights your heart.”

“I cherish you” poetic leather wrist wrap

Check out my shop and the beautiful messages on each wrap.  My daughter now wears one of the double wraps – it wraps around her little four year old wrist four times – one time around for each year that I have been so grateful for her!

*  If you know of a parent who could use one of these – for her/himself and for her/his child – but has financial challenges, please, let just email me.  Those are some times the folks who need it most.  So please, just contact me.