In the Space of Dying
Lisa A. McCrohan
You are an ordinary shrub
losing its leaves for the winter
in a suburban yard
that I’ve walked by hundreds –
perhaps now thousands –
of times.
And yet today,
I pause in front of you
noticing
I’m in the space of dying.
Leaves falling to the ground
encircling you
light magnificently touching,
illuminating you.
There is nothing I could do to stop dying;
nor would I want to.
You grow toward the light
bursting, blooming
casting off
dying
all the while
surrendering.
Winter is coming,
the air is cool against my skin.
I pull my hoodie close around me.
Suddenly I feel the urge to lay down
and feel the earth one last time
before snow covers her for months.
Earth – She knows how to birth,
she knows how to die
And I…
I am surrendering
fear falling now
like gems encircling me
light magnificently touching,
illuminating
what is birthing
what is dying
within me.
Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2014
I had passed by that shrub I don’t know how many times. I was on my walk that I take (almost!) every day. I was almost home. It was cold. I felt good, alive, from walking so far; and I was ready to go back home and begin the “ending” of the day with with our two kiddos. I happened to look over to my right side and see this shrub and the way the sunlight danced upon it. It made me pause. I stood there looking at it — the wind was blowing leaves off of it, it’d be bare by that evening. I was on holy ground. I had stepped into the sacred space of this “dance of dying” happening between the shrub, earth, sun, and divine.
The shrub just surrendered. It “knew” what to do. It “trusted” the order of things. It didn’t resist the strong breeze blowing off its leaves.
Everything in nature trusts the order of things. Nature knows that “death” doesn’t mean the END. Nature knows that death and birth are weaved together. If something is dying, something is birthing. If something is birthing, something is dying.
How can I be like that shrub? Surrendering …
– to the intelligent intuition of my body, listening to my body’s somatic whispers — to lay against the earth, to to sleep, to stretch and move, to make love, to be quiet, to linger in a hug
– to the “everyday” deaths and births within a day — the waves of emotions, thoughts, and sensations that will inevitably arise within me as I go throughout my day — the waves of frustration, awe, delight, annoyance, anger, regret, contentment, anxiety, fear, deep love — watching them like waves that rise and fall on their own instead of getting caught up in a wave or trying to hold onto one
– to the natural order of things — the divine’s plan for me — rather than my own
All I know is that as I surrender — again and again — in whatever way I am called to in each new moment, my fears “fall like gems.” And I am held in Light.
May this post serve to support you, too, in surrendering.
Blessings,
Beautiful story about the cycle of life and love of nature. Nature is a great healer. I love the seasons but find the most joy in spring and summer. My passion is gardening, ( see my blog, “One Flower Bed at a Time”). Thank you for sharing your passion.
Hi Joyce,
yes, the cycle of life and LOVE of nature. Joyce, it’s always so interesting to see which season really appeals to people. I can see why you’d love spring/fall for gardening!
Thank you for this most beautiful sharing
I am in wonder and amazement at the Precious-ness of who you are , Lisa !
You see with eye of your soul and your write with to the language of the heart. All with brilliant insight !
THANK YOU, mom! Your words mean so very much to me.
This is so beautiful, Lisa. I sense the sacredness of the moment. I think those times are among the most precious to me…when I see the extraordinary in the ordinary. Thank you.
Dear Brenda, thank you so much for your lovely ways/words of supporting me and encouraging me as a fellow writer, woman, human being. Yes, seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. I really do believe this is what life is all about — having these experiences of noticing…savoring and noticing. Can’t wait for your book, Brenda. The world needs to hear your voice. Love, Lisa
As a labor and delivery nurse, my world is indeed filled with birthing. As a human being, my world has been touched by untimely deaths, unfair deaths, deaths out-of-order, and it is all a gentle reminder to own this moment. Surrender, surrender, such a simple notion and yet, so difficult to pull off. I want to fix that which is not within my power to fix. I want to slow down that which is inevitable, but all I can do is own this moment and be content. It gets easier with age.
Yes, Michelle. Your words are gentle reminders to all of us. We all want to fix what is not in our power to fix. We want to slow down that which is inevitable, as you so beautifully say here. AND…yet we know we can’t. And so the only thing to do, as you say, too, is to surrender. Yes. Allow Grace to carry us. So beautiful, Michelle. I find it does get easier with age AND…deeper. I’m called to more deeply and completely surrender – through yet another layer and another. Thank you, Michelle. Lisa