“Briaaaaaaaan,” I found myself saying the other day.  My tone was filled with frustration over something I don’t even remember right now.  That evening, I went to sleep angry.  The next morning, I woke up before everyone.  In the quiet darkness of the early morning hours, I wondered, “How many times have I sounded like this with Brian and my kiddos: ‘let down’, annoyed, frustrated, burdened?”

I know where this tone comes from.  When I feel like I have “no time” (to get out the door and get to school on time, to write poetry, to get work done).  When I am managing too many things at once.  When my senses are on overload.  When I feel alone and like everything is “on me.”

Brian often tells me I’m too hard on myself.  And through the years, I have been.

So that’s why, when I thought of focusing on “right speech” for a period of time, I decided to start with myself.

Call it “right speech” or “compassionate communication” or “mindful talk,” the focus is the same: let your words be kind, let your words be uplifting, let your words be truthful.

And when our words are kind, uplifting and truthful with ourselves, this flows seamlessly into our parenting and our relationships.

So I started speaking the truth to myself.

The truth is…I am a good mom – a mom who has some stressful moments.  I’m not a “bad” mom when I’ve just lost my cool.  I am a good mom having a hard moment.  I am a caring mom who is carrying too much.  I am a loving mom who cares deeply about her dear ones and feels too responsible.  I am a mom who needs some spaciousness to remember her innate goodness, to resource herself again.

The truth is…I am human and I make mistakes.  I’m not immune to getting stressed and reacting.  I “have my moments” of not being all “Dalai Lama” centered at every moment in the day.  I am a human being that could use giving herself a break.

The truth is…I live very intentionally and with deep compassion, focus, and devotion to my children, husband, friends, and clients.  And I am a lot like my parents – I am a devoted friend who is “out” for others and “out” for this world to be a more compassionate, connected place.

The truth is…it’s not all my fault.  Rather than thinking something is wrong with me when I react, I can remember that this happens within the context of our messed up way of parenting in our current culture of parenting — where “mama’s guilt” is in the water AND we are often going about our day alone in our own homes and minivans.

The truth is…when I practice talking to myself with kind, uplifting words, such softness flows from me and softens my tone with my children and husband.

The truth is our words matter.

How we speak, what we say – to ourselves and our dear ones – can uplift or tear down.  Sometimes our words can get stuck in us.  We stuff down the words we long to speak.  Sometimes our words fly out of our mouths with anger or frustration, without us thinking about them.

Last night, I led our bi-weekly Sacred Timeout yoga at our church.  It’s a really delightful, sweet community of people.  Our theme for the night was Speaking from the Heart. As we tended to the throat and heart centers of our bodies, my hope was that such kind attention – through gentle words, humming, and movements – would bring those centers back into balance. And the words we use with ourselves would soften, becoming a well-spring of love from which we speak to others.

When our practice ended, we gathered around a member of our community who has stage 4 breast cancer. We all put our hands on her. We spoke loving words and prayers of support. The softness, the kindness, the gentleness were palpable and flowed easily between us. And maybe, each of us went home with that softness still palpable, still flowing into our interactions with our families as we headed home.

I noticed that in practicing “right speech” with my own self, my words are softer with my children and Brian. There is more spaciousness to respond instead of react. I can feel a wellspring of love softening my interactions.

Some days, I need reminders.  This wrist wrap serves as my touchstone throughout my day.  Its poetic words invite my heart to soften and speak words that are truthful, kind and uplifting.

“Linger here feeling your bare feet against the cool grass. Being Breathed. Being blessed. Linger here in this fleeting, fragile, miraculous moment. Holy. Just as it is.”

You can find this poetic wrist wrap on my shop and other messages that are kind and uplift.

What’s Your Word for the Year?  Every year I choose a Word for the Year that will be my guiding force, my compass.  Now I am sharing how to really live and embody Your Word for the Year.  Please check out my 8-day mini course: Your Word for the Year: A Soulful Experience.  It’s a soulful structure to supporting you in your devotion to your Heart’s Path – starting with your Word for the Year.

***********

Dear Friends,

Will you join me this week in practicing “right speech” with your own self? Will you use words that are truthful, kind, and uplifting when you talk to yourself? Will you spend time noticing how such attention flows into your interactions with your family, making your tone softer, your words kinder?