My husband, Brian, is a man of presence rather than words. His presence is kind, service-filled, and quiet. I know he’d prefer to talk less and read more. I know he’d love to wake up late and go to bed late. I know he’d definitely appreciate moving slower in the morning – waking up, getting his cup of coffee, drinking at least a few sips, and THEN interacting. But the moment he became a dad, Brian has been devoted to doing whatever it takes to be the kind of dad who is truly there for our children and about their well-being.
A dad’s “role” seems to be changing. I refuse to support the image we often see now in mainstream media – dad is stupid, he is the brunt of jokes, and mom (and the rest of the family) has free rein to make fun of him or tell him how whatever he is doing is wrong and he is a dumbass. . Here’s a post about how we are “dumbing down dad” and one I wrote about this whole thing of making dads out to be stupid.
That’s not my husband. And that’s not most of the dads I see dropping off and picking up their children at school – lovingly helping the little ones out of the car, adjusting their backpacks, and slowly walking them into school. That’s not most of the dads of the kiddos we play with and have over here for potlucks. These dads are the ones who cook and bring the dish to share, tend to hurts and scrapes, manage any meltdowns with calm and presence, and call the kiddos in from the playground and help the little ones get their plates – including veggies. They are the ones who gather everything at the end of the potluck, help their tired little ones get on their shoes and ask the bigger ones to help out.
My point here is that most dads I know aren’t dumbasses. Far from it, the dads I know are deeply devoted to nourishing and loving their children. They are devoted dads. They want their wife to be pleased. They want their wife to notice the good in them. And really, they want their wife to be happy. They know that a peaceful and happy home begins with MOM and her well-being. They may not say it, but they (and we) know that the emotional center of our family is MOM. So they’ll dutifully do what mom says she needs or wants and how she needs and wants it.
But I’m done with Brian having to do things “my way” because of my own addiction to perfection. Over a year ago, I started this poem. I started to sit back and see how Brian has his own way of being with our children. He has his own expression of devotion. And I started to really appreciate this and let him BE. Most days, he doesn’t get that quiet time with his cup of coffee. Most days, he talks more than I bet he’d like. But he still gets up, without complaining, and is deeply devoted to us.
Last Father’s Day, I shared a poem about how Brian is here for our daughter. This Father’s Day, I’d like to share a poem about how Brian is here for our son. I wrote these poems from watching Brian. And I put to words the quiet presence and devotion he has for our children. These are the words I imagine him saying to our children. This is the deep devotion his presence expresses.
My Son, I am Here for You
I am here for you in these days of complicated subtraction problems,
soccer defeats and triumphs, climbing trees, and being a seven year old boy –
tender and tenacious, a leader and a lover of nature,
still believing in magic and the goodness in humanity.
I am here for you to still tuck you into bed, to read a story,
to snuggle with you and lay next to you as you drift off to sleep.
I am here for you as you take on your next adventure,
encounter disappointment, and find your Center.
I am here for you as you see more of the world beyond our nest –
the right and wrong, the discord and the harmony, war and peace –
and you discern your response.
I am here for you as you discover what it means to be a true man –
noble, humble, gentle and service-filled.
I am here for you to show you how to pray and turn inward
in a crowded, busy, chaotic world ,
and rest, listening to your guiding truth.
I am here for you as you listen deeply and live your vocation in the world
and in service to the Divine.
I am here for you to hug you, hold you, listen to you, regard you,
and remind you of your innate goodness.
My son, I am here for you, with you, alongside you, aligned with you,
and behind you…watching you run, move, discover, and love
with that unbound, tenacious, adventurous,
“you are always invited” heart of yours.
Lisa A. McCrohan
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Dear Readers,
I know we have “devoted dads” – in our lives and in our children’s lives. Maybe this father’s day, this whole summer, you can notice all the ways your husband is “here for your children.” Maybe you can notice his own unique way of being there for your family. Maybe you can show your appreciation for him exactly as he is. And with your own dad – what would it be like to reflect on the ways your dad was devoted to you and your family? Maybe he wasn’t perfect but maybe through really seeing him and his humanness, you can see some glimmer of devotion.
Blessings,