“Give me ecstasy, give me naked wonder, O my Creator! Give birth to the Beloved in me, and let this lover die. Let a thousand wrangling desires become one Love.” ~ Rumi
This past spring, Brian and I were up late at night talking. I was frustrated trying to put into words for others what I felt called to be about.
“Lis,” Brian asked me, “What do you want to do or be about more than anything?”
I looked at him asking me the question, asking me to speak my truth – plainly, concretely, imperfectly, fiercely, authentically.
I felt my eyes stinging with tears. I knew this “inner truth.” I needed to speak it. But I had been afraid to.
Have you been feeling this way lately, too?
This is what I answered, “I want to be so aligned with the god within me that ‘I’ am no longer. To embody and BE delight. To love with such a vast, open heart. To be gentle. To serve. In my everyday life. The people around me and this whole world. That my presence – the god within me – heals this world just by me BEING that delight, by being that vast, open heart. And whoever I am with, they so deeply connect with the divine within themselves that then from them too such healing delight and love flow through them out into the world. I know. I know this is how we transform the world.”
I spoke it. Be delight. Be that vast love. So aligned that whatever keeps me from the divine just dissolves. And share it with the world.
I saw the vision again of me as an older woman, sitting so still, so deeply content. Sensual, beautiful in flowy clothes. An unbounded heart. So vast. So empty and yet full of love and delight. And her very presence is healing.
THIS is my inner truth.
What?! ME be that way?
“Yes, Lisa,” Brian said. And it’s as though I were hearing the Divine’s voice, “That is you.”
But then I started with all my thoughts! I am anxious. I yell. I doubt. I’m insecure. I’m addicted to hurry. And I am so very stuck in these habitual ways of relating and thinking. Who I am?! And this god language – this divine language – that’s going to turn people off. And you can’t make a living on writing poetry. You can’t…….
Then Brian jumped in, “You are delight. You’ve always been delight. From the moment you were born. From the books you wrote in Mrs. Kostenbader’s third grade class. From the moment you kicked your first soccer ball and loved moving your body. From the moment you paused outside when you were six years old on a crisp autumn day and breathed in the air and felt the pulse of the earth. You’ve always, always been about delight, connection and community. And honoring the divine. Lisa, don’t give up on delight. Delight is who you are and who you are called to be – for you, for us, and for this world.”
I paused. He was right. I sobbed. You know when you hear the truth – YOUR inner truth – spoken to you from someone you love? Someone who knows you? There’s no running.
So I sat with this: Be delight.
So I spent much of the spring and summer asking and listening, “What does ‘be delight’ mean? And How do I embody it?”
Boy, did I get some answers! (THAT is for my next post!)
For right now, dear friends, there is a truth within you. YOU KNOW IT. It’s YOUR inner truth.
It has been talking to you, calling to you. It might come in a whisper – in the morning right before you totally wake up, or when you are in the shower, or when you pause as you wait for your coffee to brew. Maybe it has come to you as a shout, “HEY YOU!!! YES, YOU!!! THIS is what you are to be about! THIS is how you are to be living your life!”
However you have heard the Divine talking to you, WE ALL HAVE this inner truth, this inner guidance calling to us, calling us to evolve and flourish and serve this world.
BUT…we have to pause in the craziness of our everyday life to hear that sacred voice a bit deeper and clearer.
We sit and say, “Ok, I’m listening.”
And then…then whatever TRUTH we hear – however crazy it sounds, however imperfect and incomplete our “picture” or “how to” idea is about it – we have to SPEAK IT. We have to say our inner truth OUT LOUD to another person. We have to hear our own voice CLAIMING IT.
Here are some questions to cut through the distractions to discern your inner truth and what the Divine is calling you to. Ask them and then listen:
“What do you want to do or be about more than anything?”
“At the end of your life, what do you want to look back and see?”
“If you had one year to live, what would you do?”
“What did you always love to do as a child?”
“What truth has been rising up within you that you can no longer deny?”
Just ask. Then listen. And then SHARE OUT LOUD what you hear. However crazy. However incomplete.
You have this precious life to live fully. And you have a truth within you. You have a Sacred Voice within you calling you. You have a light to embody and share with this world. YES – YOU!
Perhaps it’s time to listen.
Blessings,
Lisa,
This brought me to tears! I have been asking these questions for years but never getting a clear answer. I am of the age now where it feels most important to hear the answer. I want to be all that you do. But I am unique and need to find my own answers. I know I want to be the very expression of Love. I don;t know how to do that. Maybe I’m trying to impose my own limited views on the limitless answers. I don’t know. I want to help those who have been hurt and are suffering but how I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I am nearly there and others so very far away.
Stanley
Stanley. I swear to you – just by you being you — in our Compassion Meditation Challenge, in our FB group – you are helping others. You have a willingness to share and your gentleness is palpable. What if you took a day and took note of the everyday ways you are about loving this world? I wonder what you’d notice. I would imagine that you would see how gently and kindly you touch the world. I do hear you about embodying a calling. I feel like often I am in perpetual listening mode, wondering “is this it, God, that you want me to be about? How am I doing?” I remember reading about mother theresa and how she often didn’t feel close to God but she kept doing her work. I look back and I see times in my life when I truly knew “yes, this is it” but there was still fear in me, still doubt. And it’s only in looking back that I see how I was truly following the divine’s voice. Often my prayer is a version of st Augustine (I think?!!) – “i so desire to be aligned with you, God, and I believe this is what you are guiding me into. I hope that even my desire to listen and go for it is pleasing to you. Whether I am right on or you’d have me doing something else, I pray that healing and compassionate through me in this world and this makes you smile.”
Dear Lisa
I have only recently discovered your beautiful postings .
This week having received a diagnosis of Bladder Cancer I found myself pausing . Being more expansive than usual and indeed appraising what I hold and what really matters .
Sounds familiar ? Of course it does because it is that universal voice that speaks to us all and which today found an portal and outlet into this world via your resonating words to me .
Instead of fear I found a joyful reminder of what I hold true inside of myself . Not fear but what you described so perfectly the certainly of What if I just opened my heart so wide and it included everyone so wide that I dissolved
And only God remained ?
I felt very at ease and full of gratitude that God has given me comfort and reassurance through you
Keep whispering to us dear one . Awesome heartfelt words
Ps do you have a link to your Facebook page
Much love Decon Buchanon london UK
Devon. I am deeply moved by your words. Sometimes I don’t know what to say to express how something someone has shared has moved me and explain what it stirs within me. Devon – bladder cancer. I am sorry. I accompanied a friend through breast cancer and was with her in her dying (I’ve only been able to write one post on it. It was back in March. I’m on my phone right now and don’t know how to put a link here!). There are layers of feelings, thoughts and sensations that arise with a diagnosis, with wondering, with discerning treatment options (understanding them all), with recognizing our mortality, with dreaming, with living. Please know that i willbe praying for you. Will you keep me posted? You can email me at “Lisa dot McCrohan at gmail dot com”.
Devon, when I read your words “I felt very at ease and full of gratitude that God has given me comfort and reassurance through you” – I feel very “at peace” and reassured, too, that I am listening to the divine within…that I am learning – slowly – to allow my ego to dissolve and let only God remain — as in the poem. When someone tells me something like this, it doesn’t go to my ego like “oh look what I’VE done!” Instead, it’s like I internally now to the divine and I say very little. I feel at peace and aligned with the divine, if that makes sense. This is what I was born to do – listen to the divine, share from that since, and hopefully nourish and accompany others. Thank you for your encouragement, Devon. I am still human and sometimes it is helpful to hear that me listening and sharing from a vulnerable suave within me can nourish others I am deeply grateful. You have truly blessed me today.
On facebook…if you search for Barefoot Barn, you will find me. I think there is also a link at the top of this website.
Blessings,
Lisa
This reminds me of something I heard recently (I believe for the most part was from the Father) :
“the blueprint of love is in your heart”
that statement , your inner truth seems to demonstrate and embody that