Arrived
By Lisa McCrohan

Today,
I am here, God.
I have arrived.
I have walked, panted,
ran, crawled and
scrounged to
reach you –
only to now find you
here
at my own doorstep.

In my running and crying,
my panicking and searching,
bruising my knees and
wringing out the last
drop of effort from
my heart,

the truth of who I am
and what I am to do
never left me.

You have been as close
to me as my breath, yet
I have travelled thousands
of miles to arrive right here
where I began,
when I first heard you
whispering, “Please,
My Dear,
just write.
I will take care of the rest.”

I have traversed the landscape
of doubt.
I have been lost in
the mines of fear.
I have held back at the foothills
of hope and promise.

But today, I have arrived.
I open the door
wide.
You wipe the sweat
and mud from my face.
Meeting your eyes,
my eyes are clear.
All of me knows what
I am to do.

I invite you in.
I put on some hot water
for tea.
We get out pen and paper.
And we write.

Lisa McCrohan, © 2016

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I wrote my first book in Mrs. Kostenbader’s third grade class. It was about the power of positivity (I’m not kidding!).

I wrote several more books that year. I have been writing stories and poetry since I could write sentences. Everywhere I have gone, I have carried my writing journals with me.

Is there something like this in your own life? Something that has called you since you were young?

You’d think that I would’ve known that I was supposed to write and you’d think I’d give everything to my writing. But often what we know as truth, we dismiss as too simple or too crazy or not realistic enough. And yet, ironically, we can search for decades for this very truth. And nothing satiates the longing of our hearts like the truth planted within us so very long ago.

I put writing as secondary when it came to “my profession,” even though I knew it was to be THE thing from which everything else I offered was to flow; even though I heard loud and clear the divine saying to me, “Write, Lisa!”; even though I knew exactly the kind of writing I was to do.

But I was scared. I played it safe. I held back from answering the Sacred Call Within and claiming the work I am to do.

What fear is holding you back from claiming and then proclaiming what you know you are to do?  Whether it’s the work you are to do, the passion you are to follow, the place you are to move to, or the dream you are to realize, something sacred calls to you.

Awhile back Brian and I were talking to a couple who are about 20 years older than us.  We got onto the subject of our dreams and I felt this “stuck” feeling in me, along with sadness and agitation.  I started to cry.

“What do you really want, Lisa?” One of our friends asked me.  I wasn’t holding back anymore and her question felt like an invitation to speak my truth and claim it.

I named the three things that have been on my heart for a very long time now. I named the three things that I have pushed aside in order to be practical, realistic, and accommodating.

How many of us push aside what our heart knows it wants because it doesn’t seem realistic or because we are accommodating others?

One of those soul-desires I named was this: to be the modern-day mystical poet with a feminine voice that I know God has called me to be.

“Do you know the story of how David Whyte became a poet?” My friend asked. He walked into work one day asking for David. His coworkers looked at him like he was nuts. Exhausted, he went home that night and called Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk and friend. Brother David told him, “The answer to exhaustion isn’t always rest. It is wholeheartedness. David, you are withering.”

He was withering by not answering the call of his soul to be a poet.

That’s what was happening to me.

I was going around agitated. For years. I would jump on Brian for the way he made sandwiches or organized our finances. I would get short with my kiddos for little things. One night after a long evening when Brian was at a meeting, I was agitated with the kiddos, there was crying and reconnecting, and then when they both were in bed, I laid there in my own bed – exhausted. I wondered, “How did I get like this?”

Maybe you find yourself feeling bitter or angry right now. Maybe you are just slightly irritated and sometimes find yourself trying to control your partner or reacting to your children over simple things. Maybe you feel this low-grade agitation and can’t quite put your finger on it. OR maybe you DO in fact know exactly what is happening: you aren’t honoring the Truth within you that you know you are to follow.

Like David Whyte, like me, there is a Sacred Agitation that arises when we are being called to something holy.

We can try to ignore it for a while. But ignore it too long and we either grow bitter and wither OR we explode.

Years ago, I heard God say to me, “Lisa, I call you to be a modern-day mystical poet. I have Hafiz and Rumi. I want a feminine voice. I want you to rebuild my church with your poetry and to write about me as a god of compassion, gentleness, and tenderness right here accompanying people in the messiness of their everyday lives.”

I pushed this away for many years.

But the moment I finally spoke aloud, “I am a modern-day mystical poet” and “it’s time I claim that,” something shifted in me. Something ignited from deep within me. And I didn’t care how crazy it sounded. Rejection and defeat didn’t seem to matter too much. I only felt the exact “rightness” of that proclamation. I felt aligned with the Divine. It was as if I had returned from a long journey of searching only to return right here to my own doorstep and found that God had been there all along waiting for me.  And now, even fumbling my way, I just take the next right step…and trust.

I trust again and again when I sit down to write.  I just take the next right step when I don’t know exactly how to do something.  I just take the next right step and I trust.

It can take “traveling” thousands of miles wringing out your heart with the last drop of efforting to find that Something Sacred in you that knew all along. It can take saying, “I am….” or “All my life I have wanted….” out loud a hundred times before you claim it as your truth. It can take leaving home only to return Home to your own heart and the simple, sacred truth that was planted within you many years ago that now seems not only possible but the only choice remaining now.  You must follow your truth.

I call this “following what delights your heart.” And I have seen that when we listen for and then follow the deepest delights of our hearts, we inspire others to do the same. THAT is sacred work. THAT is the divine flowing through each of us.

This past weekend, I went to my college reunion. One friend whom I known since elementary school looked at me, held my arms in her hands and said, “Lisa, you have always followed your heart.”

I thought about that. She has known me for over 30 years. And she is right. And today, this season of my life, I am claiming another part of my heart that I tried to push away for too long: “I am a modern-day mystical poet and leader with a feminine voice.”  And I know that I am about writing, leading, and being present with people in such a way that they turn inward to listen to their own Sacred Voice Within.  I know that I am about inspiring people to follow what delights their hearts and create a more compassionate world.

You can expect more sacred poetry from me. You can expect more writings about finding the sacred in our everyday life. You can expect to read more about a god of compassion and gentleness who only wants to be alongside us in the mess.  You can expect that I’ll use “God, Spirit, Beloved, and Divine” interchangeably.

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How about you, Dear One?  Here are some self-inquiry questions to support you in naming and claiming your heart’s delight:

1. What is it time to claim?  What is your soul desire?
2. What is it time to proclaim? To whom?
3. (Fill in the blank):  “I am….” and  “All my life I have wanted to…..”
4. What is the next right step to take?
5. How are you being asked/guided to trust?

However irrational, impractical or nuts you think your responses may be, I would love to hear them!

*For the beautiful works of David Whyte, visit his website.

*For the sacred poetry of Hafiz, find his works here, translated by Daniel Ladinsky, find his books on Amazon.

*Please watch this beautiful  TED talk by Brother David Steindl-Rast.