It was our last day on the Hawaiian island of Kauai. We had tried to hike up the Sleeping Giant mountain when we first arrived, but the rain started to pour down in buckets. As we looked at the mud running down the path, we knew that the further we climbed up, the muddier it would be and the more we’d slip. We decided to head back down the mountain and try again another day. So on our last day, when we asked, “What should we do today?”, we all said, “Let’s go back to Sleeping Giant!”

We started our ascent. It ended up being just me and my son. My daughter was tired and so my husband stayed back with her. Our friend and her two year old were going at their own pace. My son and I climbed uphill the whole way – through mud and thick roots, trees and bushes.

We finally arrived at the top!

As we got some water, caught our breath, and looked at the stunning view, we saw a couple coming from another path on the top of the mountain.

“Where does that go?!” We asked them.

“It goes to the highest point on the mountain,” they told us.

“How is it?” I asked.

“It’s an awesome view but there are rocks – well, boulders, really – that you have to climb. There’s a rope there. It’s hard but if you are careful, you can do it,” the couple said. And then they added, “Just don’t fall.”

My nine year old son and I looked at each other. I paused for a moment. And then we both said, “Let’s do it!”

There are times in our lives of making a decision: will we go down this path?

Sometimes the path looks smooth and easy. Sometimes you KNOW it’s going to be a rocky and hard path.

Some paths we choose. Some difficult, rocky paths can come out of nowhere and there we are – having to choose how we will walk it. A medical diagnosis we weren’t expecting. A marriage is falling apart. A sudden death of a dear one. An aging parent starts forgetting things. A child is having a hard time in school and struggling.

I could have chosen not to walk this particular path. We could’ve gone back down the mountain. Just getting to the top was a big accomplishment for us. And there is NO SHAME in deciding, “This path is not for me” and “Not at this point in my life.” There is WISDOM in pausing and asking, “Is this path right for me?”

It may not be easy – to stay on the rocky path or to get off of it. We’re not talking about EASY here. We’re talking about what your SOUL knows you must do. And you HONORING that wisdom of your soul.

Before I said, “Let’s do it!”, I checked in with myself, “Is this enough? Do you need to do more?”

And my soul (and body) said, “You need to do this. You need to try.”

I can’t put into words WHY but I knew I needed to climb that rocky path.

There are times in our lives when we can’t put into words WHY we HAVE to take a particular path. It seems crazy to climb up such high boulders and go into the unknown on a rocky path that’s unfamiliar. But Something Holy within us knows we must do it.

So my son and I started walking. “Go slow,” I said to him and myself.

“Watch your footing, mom,” my son said to me. “I don’t want to have to carry a dead body off this mountain!”

I started to think of the times in my life when I have fallen – on the playground, out of a two-story window, on a treadmill at the gym. I started to think of the times I had figuratively “fallen” or failed – too personal to mention here. I started to think of the times I was lost in the woods as a child and there were heat-sensing helicopters looking for me.

I knew I wasn’t great on my feet these days as I was as a teenager playing soccer. And I am much more aware of my vulnerability and fragility now. I have been hurt before. And I could get hurt again. But I also knew my strength – the kind of strength of spirit and body that arises from falling, from getting hurt, from “failing” and giving myself the space to be knitted back together – with a stronger, fiercer strength.

When we got to the 20 foot “wall of boulders” we were to climb to get to the final tippy top of the mountain, I paused. I looked at the rocky path before me. I looked at how we would safely go up and we assessed the situation.

I often talk about DELIGHT. For me, in that moment, delight was this:

seeing a rocky path before me, pausing, and before fear could take over — before all these crazy thoughts of how I couldn’t do it started flooding my nervous system – I decided to do it. Carefully. But I knew I was going to get on that rocky path and climb it.

One careful step at a time. One careful hand reaching at a time. And slowly, mindfully, my son and I were going to do it together.

And DELIGHT wasn’t just reaching the top. As my son and I caught our breath and steadied our footing on the top of the mountain, I realized that delight wasn’t just that moment of accomplishment. Delight was the decision to answer “yes” to the whisper of our hearts to get on the rocky path and go for it.

Friends, this moment we say “yes” to the wisdom and truth within us that we know we must follow, we set in motion a life of HONORING our deepest selves. THIS is a life of delight. Not easy – not seamless. It’s messy and unknown. But it’s one of truth. And following that truth creates EASE.

It wasn’t EASY to climb up the boulders. And I scared. But it came with EASE. Big difference.

And while I was doing it – from the moment my son and I said “yes”, to the moment we reached the very top – I felt aligned with my truth. It was a rocky path and unknown to us. But I knew I had to climb it.

This is one of the gifts that Kauai gave me. The paths were so rocky, so muddy that I could have given up and said, “No, let’s not go there.” I could’ve doubted myself. I definitely doubted the path! But Kauai has a way of “talking” to you –not with words or to your head but rather TO your HEART and BODY – THROUGH EXPERIENCE.

So I listened to Her.

And my heart wanted to keep going even though the path looked arduous and I didn’t know what lay ahead of me. My body wanted to feel the exhilaration of the climb though I didn’t know what was in store.

And so we did it!  We climbed to the top!

Dear Ones, maybe you are staring at a rocky path before you right now. At many points in our lives, our paths are going get rocky. Our relationship with our partner will get rough and rocky. Parenting will get rocky. Caring for our elderly parents will get emotionally strenuous and rocky. Loving is hard. Grief is hard. Because it makes us vulnerable. And we as human beings don’t really love vulnerability!

On that rocky path of loving, we could get “lost.”
On that rocky path of loving, we could “fall.”

Whether that rocky path is literal (like this one in Kauai) or it is emotional, relational, or spiritual, you can choose to get on it and climb your way though. Some rocky paths are optional. Most aren’t. We have to walk it.

We can walk that rocky path carefully, with focus, attention, intention, surrender, and prayer. We can choose to get on that path and climb it even though we are scared – even though we are afraid we’ll fall.

Because here’s the thing: WE don’t actually fall! Even if we FALL TO OUR KNEES in times of being in a rocky marriage, job, parenting situation, spiritual “mid-life crisis,” WE don’t fall!

What really falls away is your ego.

What really falls away is the voice that says “you can’t do this.”

What really falls away is your definition of “weak” and “strong.”

What really falls away is the effort to hide your fear (or try to conquer it).

What really falls away is anything that keeps you from loving with a vast, open, “holding nothing back” heart.

What really falls away is the pride that you gotta do it all alone.

What really falls away are the walls you keep up from allowing yourself to be loved.

I’m not talking about CONQUERING the path (or your fears). I’m not talking about CONTROLLING the path (or your fears). I’m not talking about TACKLING the path (or your fears).

I’m talking about discerning the truth within you that you know you must follow. I’m talking about walking the path that is unknown, looks rocky, and feels messy. I’m talking about deciding you will surrender to the brokenness, emptiness, strength and Grace of walking that rocky path. I’m talking about letting what doesn’t serve you fall away as you step one foot in front of the other and walk that rocky path.

Because do you know what rises when you step on the rocky path that you know you must climb?

A holy strength within you – born out of vulnerability, feeling broken, and Grace.

A new definition of “strong” – one that includes surrender.

A clear, laser-like focus on honoring your truth in your everyday life.

A heart that is so vast that it includes everything as holy. A heart that is wide open to love and be loved.

Arms that are open to being held and touched and needy and messy.

A mind that is okay with imperfection, unknown, and not being in control.

A spirit that soars and feels aligned with the Beloved’s call to live this life with a vast, wild heart.

Choosing to face the rocky path takes going into the unknown. It takes surrendering to what may come. It takes admitting we don’t have control over – well, hardly anything! And it definitely takes vulnerability. It takes a willingness to let what doesn’t serve you fall away. And it takes saying “yes” to rise and answer the call of your Heart – one slow, messy, imperfect, fumbling step at a time.

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Dear Ones,  maybe someone you love is on a rocky path right now. I have such beautiful poetic wrist wraps and prints in my shop that can serve as your dear one’s daily touchstone of inspiration. They are lovely reminders that they are not alone, that they are following the truth of their hearts, and to keep climbing! Check them out here.

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I’ll be sharing more reflections from our two week trip to Kauai, Hawaii in future blog posts.  Stay tuned!

Blessings,