Yes to the Mess

Yes to the mess of ribbon and wrapping paper on the floor.
Yes to the perfect gift you picked out and no one thanked you.
Yes to the laughter and joy.

Yes to the quiet ache of loneliness still lingering within you.
Yes to the “best china” and the plate breaking.
Yes to this being the last Christmas you hold it all together.
Yes to finally sharing what’s really going on.

Yes to the enmeshed mom who tries so hard, the aloof dad,
the elephant in the room of addiction.
Yes to “better boundaries” and yes to having none.
Yes to the anxiety and your pursuit of perfection.
Yes to the hope in you, the tiniest seed of calm growing in you.

Yes to the miscarriage, the first holiday without your loved one,
the grief beating against your ribs, the crying and the shaking.
Yes to fists pounding, feet kicking and stomping.
Yes to disturbing the silence.
Yes to losing it, yes to not being ready yet
and desperately trying to hold it all together.

Yes to “I’m not enough” and yes to “Hell yes I’m enough.”
Yes to the camera breaking, your heart silently breaking.
Yes to closing off your heart and yes to opening it again.
Yes to the cool air against your face, the smell of wood burning,
the moonlight over a silent night.

Yes to canceling your plans because your child is sick and
staying up all night.
Yes to not getting anything you really wanted and
yes to having it all.

Yes to resting.
Yes to not knowing, yes to uncertainty, yes to having to wait,
yes to the knowing within you.

Yes to dropping the labels of “good” and “bad.”
Yes to finally feeling the despair, disappointment, shame and
cupping your hands around your cheek.

Yes to the patterns you can’t seem to get out of and yes to starting again.
Yes to all the parts of you that you have rejected.
Yes to the hope, the light growing in you, the strength rising within you.
Yes to welcoming it all with tenderness, saying,

“There is a place here at my table for you. Please come.
Let’s break bread together in this mess.
I no longer reject you. I love you.
Yes despair,
yes half hopes,
yes imperfection, yes shame,
yes glorious light that keeps shining.
This is a holy mess
and I can’t push you away any longer.
My God, my God,
beyond all labels of ‘good’ or ‘bad,’
each of you is a gift. And I –
I am ready to finally be
in the mess.”

And now, Light illuminating everything,
the mud you stand in, your heart breaking, your body trembling,
fully alive, raw, real, hands opening,
the only word you can utter
is “yes.”

Lisa A. McCrohan

Many years ago. When I started to learn about letting go of the mess!

Each of us has a way of encountering the Divine.  I seem to journal and listen.  Here’s what the Divine had to tell me one day about this Radical, Counter-Intuitive YES.  (It’s from my book that I’m self-publishing!!!!  Stay tuned.)

{God talks, I listen}.
Before time, I said yes. I said yes to existence. I said yes to the sun and moon. I said yes to stars and planets, galaxies and universes. I said yes to earth, water, fire, and air. I said yes to life – to plants, animals, and humans. I said yes to all that would come – including war and death, love and birth.

I said yes to you. And before you came into form, I asked if you wanted to say yes to this particular human experience — with all its complexity and beauty, suffering and delight. And you said yes.

I know it sounds crazy to say yes to heartache and suffering, dying and death. In the biggest picture of your life, this being human thing is a gift. And each experience you have along the way is a gift. It may not seem like it or feel like it, I know, dear Heart, and I am alongside you as you have each experience and gently unwrap the gift it is to be embodied with these sensations, feelings, and thoughts.

There is a place at my table for all of it. Can you feel the surrender taking place in your whole body as you hear these words? Can you feel the “letting go” of the tight ways you hold your jaw, shoulders, and belly?

You and I together hold space for all that arises in this human experience with tenderness, kindness, and compassion. THAT is why we say yes to it all. You and I together breathe with the feelings of joy, disappointment, anger, love, grief, longing, loneliness, delight, and happiness. You and I together watch the waves of thoughts arising – just watching, just allowing, without reacting – just holding space for them to rise and dissolve. You and I together hold space for the sensations of tightness, spaciousness, pain, openness, constriction, and freedom to be felt – not pushing away or holding on – just experienced.

This is freedom.

And I know it’s a radical posture to take, my Love. But gradually, I see how you are dropping into this wisdom and feeling the inner freedom that comes from saying yes to it all. I sense the powerful, potent thanksgiving budding in your heart. I’ve heard your prayers of gratitude for every single moment of your life. YES! Oh this human existence you have said yes to – it’s all just for you to experience it and, if you choose, to feel Me beside you and hear Me whispering, “Let’s let this life be one big delight, shall we?”

Here’s a prayer to offer into the world — and into your own heart. Use the language that resonates with you:

Prayer: God, I feel you beside me inviting me to this radical way of living where I don’t push anything out of my present moment experience, but rather I learn to gently say yes and welcome what arises to my table of awareness – with kindness and compassion.

Invitation: When you are suffering in any way, put your hand on your heart, and gently say yes to the sensations, thoughts, and emotions as they come without judgment or pushing them away. Create spaciousness to allow what is here to be here. Start with the “smaller” sufferings in life before moving to the bigger ones.

And when you are experiencing joy, delight, or a deep sense of connection, put your hand on your heart, and gently say yes to the sensations, thoughts, and emotions as they come without gripping them or trying to keep them. Create spaciousness to savor this moment. Offer a prayer of gratitude for being in this human experience. And notice how it draws you closer to a sense of delight and connection with the Beloved.

Lisa McCrohan, Copyright 2016

This holiday season, may you say “yes to the mess” with mindfulness and compassion as your guides.