At the start of the summer, I got out markers and a plain piece of paper. And on the paper, I wrote “tenderness.” I placed it on my desk where I’d see it every day. I need this reminder – plain and simple. For many years, at the start of the year, I have chosen a “word for the year.” I even facilitated a course in it for a long time. I have also had fun having a word for the season I am in or a word for the day. And this summer, my “Word for the Summer” is tenderness.
I often tell my Compassion Coaching and Somatic Psychotherapy clients to do this same practice — write their “word” on a piece of paper and place it somewhere they’ll see it every day. It serves as our daily reminder and helps us to stay focused on what really matters.
I wrote about Radical Tenderness in my book, Gems of Delight. I put it in the fall season of the book, but there’s a unique invitation to practice radical tenderness in each season. Summer is a beautiful time to bring a sense of play and delight into your expression of radical tenderness.
And the place to start?
Start close in, as the poet, David Whyte, suggests.
Start with you.
Start to treat yourself as a beloved.
“Beloved?!” You ask.
Yes, a Beloved.
A beloved is someone you treasure, someone you hold dear to you, someone you treat with softness, kindness, and regard. A beloved is someone you cherish, someone who is precious to you.
What do you think would happen in our homes and in our world if each of us decided to take our “self-love” up a notch? And what if we taught this to our children?!
I can tell you.
A teacher who treats herself as a beloved has the energy and eyes to see her students with regard.
A camp counselor who treats himself as a beloved has the kind heart to see the child who doesn’t feel included.
A coach who treats himself as a beloved knows that motivating a child isn’t through shaming.
A dad who treats himself as a beloved models to his sons and daughters how to name and healthy express his emotions.
A mom who treats herself as a beloved models to her sons and daughters how self-care is a part of loving others.
To begin to treat yourself as a beloved is a radical act of compassion – for yourself, your dear ones, and our world.
Because it is then through YOUR LIGHT AND COMPASSION that others blossom. It is through YOUR SELF-LOVE that the world sees your light, your creativity, and your gifts. It is through YOUR RADICAL SELF-HONORING that you teach others to do the same.
“To begin to treat yourself as a Beloved
is a radical act of compassion –
for yourself, your dear ones, and our world.”
Lisa McCrohan
So where do you start? Start close in.
One day I heard God say to me, “You know those ‘broken’ parts of you? The parts that feel lonely, angry, sad, or ashamed? Those are the parts that need the most love.”
That’s the place to start.
Radical tenderness starts with what we have labeled “imperfect” or “bad”…and choosing to give those parts love and compassion. I know readers will inevitably email me and ask, “But how do I do that?!”
How do you start love those “broken” parts of you? How do you start to treat those parts with tenderness?
It’s everything I write about! If you’ve been around here for awhile, you know that one of my favorite practices is this:
Put your hand on your heart. Vary the pressure so it’s gentle and nourishing. Feel the experience of making contact with your heart. Linger her for a bit, feeling the breath breathing you. Check in with the heart space. And make this a habit. Every single time you start to get down on yourself or treat yourself with harshness, put your hand on your heart.
THIS is the place to start.
This is the place where a “revolution of tenderness from home” begins.
The home of your heart.
“Be missionaries of God’s tenderness,” Pope Francis urges us.
Whether you are Catholic or not, Pope Francis is a prophetic voice right now. In times of random violence and hate, he is calling us to a revolution of tenderness. Tenderness is a radical response to harshness. Its power is much greater than brute force or strength.
As Lao Tzu said, “As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome what is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.”
Let your soft tenderness be your greatest strength. And begin close in. Begin with your own self. And then teach this to your children so we raise children who will be leaders who create a more compassionate world.
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* You can find autographed copies of my book, Gems of Delight, in my shop. You can also find GoD on Amazon.
*You can also find my second book, Your Light is Rising, with a whole section on compassion – starting with SELF-compassion.
