In the United States, many of us are gathering with family and friends for Thanksgiving. This can be a lovely and welcomed time. And it can also be a triggering time. It brings up old hurts, old resentments, and old patterns of relating.
To change things, it takes one person willing to step out of the old norm and risk something new. It takes one person to be the first to try “loving with regard” instead of reacting out of old habits.
First, before you even step foot into the house with family, fill your own self with love. Be kind and regarding to YOURSELF.
What could self-love before the holidays look like?
- Take off the day before you go anywhere or have anyone over. No, this day is not for cooking! It’s for YOU. Yes, a whole day! Do something that is just for you and that nourishes you. If you think you can’t afford to take a day off and give it just to yourself, think how you really can’t afford to go into that holiday family time WITHOUT being resourced. GIVE YOURSELF time. You could walk in the woods, hang out at a coffee shop, put on music and move to it, sleep in, journal…anything that is about resourcing you.
- Know your limits. How much time can you really spend with your people? Whether it’s two hours or two days, know your limits — and honor them. People may not be happy about your limit, but baby, it’s time to honor YOU! You’ll be MUCH more able to be a source of kindness and regard when you honor your limits.
- Do what’s easiest for you. It’s time to take the easy road, Honey! Need to order out for Thanksgiving dinner or dessert?! Go for it. Do whatever is EASIEST for you.
Okay, so now that you are fueled, you are much more able to THAT family member who regards folks. You are much more able to respond instead of react. You are much more able to see the bigger picture — even the need behind someone’s behavior.
To the family member who is the “black sheep,” be the first to communicate, “You belong here.”
To the family member who often gets dismissed and talked over, be the first to show “You matter.”
To the family member who is growing old and there is much history between you two, and you’ve held back these words for years, be the first to say, “I love you.”
I KNOW how hard it is. You run the risk of looking crazy and being rejected. You make yourself vulnerable when you choose intimacy, love, and healing. You run the risk of the other person still choosing to react out of old habits and your new way of relating being rejected or dismissed.
But I am finding that such risk is worth it to the soul. There is a deep sense of freedom that comes from risking to live with such integrity, even despite how anyone responds. You begin to live according to your truth regardless of the outcome. That is a life of integrity. It is a life lived with fewer regrets. It is an honorable life when we choose little moments of honoring our truth.
This holiday, and each day, we can choose to be the first to risk loving with regard and living with integrity.
I am alongside you.
And please consider the gift of a Coaching session or one of my books, Your Light is Rising or Gems of Delight, when doing your holiday shopping. Both are intimate experiences that nourish the heart and soul.
Thank you so much for supporting small businesses that are working hard to inspire a more compassionate world.
