Image by Radovan Zierik from Pixabay
Fangs or Wings
What if you didn’t try to be good?
What if you didn’t try to keep it all together?
What if you stopped playing nice?
What if you stopped taking responsibility for
other people’s emotional state and happiness?
How might you roar or hiss?
How might your spine lengthen,
strengthen and expand with soulful confidence
as your heart radiantly beats wild and free?
How might you grow fangs or wings –
or maybe both?
Lisa McCrohan © 2024
I hear this growing desire – like a low-growl, hunger, craving, pull – for authenticity.
I hear it from leaders, creators, poets, artists, musicians, parents, entrepreneurs — in all facets of life..home, work, art, love-making, decision-making, designing a business. I hear this inner prompt we are all wanting to follow: to be in alignment with what is sacred and true to us. To express and honor our truest self – our desires, aches, messiness, joys, needs, longings, creative impulses, and inner truth.
It’s happening individually. It’s happening globally. There is this pull toward what is genuine, real, and true. I hear it in the people I serve and know. I feel it in my own self. We are hungry for authentic relationships and expression. We lean in more when we witness someone showing up as themselves. It inspires us to do the same.
As an Integrative Practitioner who plays with both the sacred and the somatic (body), true authenticity doesn’t happen in our minds, true authenticity is an embodied experience.
What does “embodied authenticity” even mean?! What does it feel like?!
Embodied authenticity is the experience of being in alignment with our true self in any moment. It is an experience of body, mind, heart, and soul in sync.
Somatically, it might feel like your feet being rooted into the earth and standing in your power, legs strong, belly at ease, full breaths, shoulders down and back, heart beating and expansive, a supple and strong spine, and energy flowing through your blood, tissues, and bones. Your heart knows you are in the energy of truth. Your mind knows it, too. There is a synergy flowing between body, mind, heart, and soul.
Embodied authenticity is a deep sense of alignment.
Test this out for yourself right now as you are reading this…
Somatic Practice: Recalling An Experience of Authenticity
Bring into your mind’s eye a time when you felt authentic.
Don’t overthink it.
See what pops into your awareness.
Recall that experience. Maybe first it comes in as an image — a memory of the event. Recall it now.
Drop into your body, and notice: what are you experiencing in your body as you recall this moment of authenticity?
How are you breathing?
What do you feel in your feet and legs, pelvis and belly, chest and back, arms and hands, throat and neck, head and face?
What are your thoughts like?
What emotions are you feeling?
This gives you a sense of what your unique embodied authenticity feels like.
THIS is what we are evolving toward. Alignment…on a daily, moment-to-moment basis.
Notice that embodied authenticity has nothing to do with “perfection” and everything to do with play, curiosity, exploration, and sacred relationship. It is not a linear process nor a ‘fixed arrival point.” It is a journey, an adventure, an exploration of the sacred flowing through us throughout our life.
Discomfort in Authenticity
One of the reasons we aren’t authentic is because we might have learned that who we inherently are isn’t acceptable or good. We may fear being rejected – well, and honestly, all the other fears we hold as humans. Deep down, all of us want to belong and be loved. We’ve been socialized to act, speak, hold our bodies, display emotions, dress, and show up in a particular way. We have learned that in order to belong and have at least some kind of love and connection, we need to hide our true self. We stuff down a part of ourselves, we ‘tone it down,” we fake a smile, we play nice, we bottle up our emotions, we override what our bodies want to do, and we say things to ourselves like “keep it together! Don’t even think about crying!” or “Don’t raise your hand and give your answer!” or “Don’t rock the boat!”
Living, relating, sharing, working, and leading with authenticity brings with it discomfort. It disrupts the status quo and societal expectations and norms – in our families, communities, workplaces, and world. We run the risk of looking like a fool in front of our colleagues, being rejected by a dear one, people walking out of the room, or the ending of a relationship.
That is scary. And uncomfortable.
And yet….yet…I see how so many of us are at a place in our lives when we can no longer “keep the peace” at the expense of abandoning our authentic selves. There is within each of us a craving for the experience of being in alignment. We sense there is a deeper peace and freedom when we do. We sense that there is a creative expression waiting to be unleashed to flow through us — for our deep enjoyment AND for the evolution of our world
Embodied Authenticity Exploration
Let’s play with the lines of the above poem, Fangs or Wings.
Let’s take the first line of Fangs or Wings: “What if you didn’t try to be good?”
Reflection Questions:
1. Who has defined what “good” and “bad” are for you?
2. How have you been socialized to “be good”?
3. What is one thing you that you have pushed away or labeled as “bad” that you want to reclaim for yourself — possibly as nourishing, enjoyable, and “good” for you?
A Somatic Practice for You: What Would Feel Good to You Right Now?
Drop into this moment.
Soften or close your eyes.
Take a few breaths.
Then ask your body, “What movement would feel good to me right now?”
And let yourself do that movement!
Maybe it’s softening or closing your eyes and doing a few neck rolls and shoulder rolls. Maybe it’s breathing in a fun way.
Drop the notion of how you “should” do neck rolls, shoulder rolls, breathe, or any other movement, and do what YOUR body wants to do.
Play here for even just three minutes.
Oh baby!!! Doesn’t that feel delicious?! And we are just gettin’ started!
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Let’s take the second line: “What if you didn’t try to keep it all together?”
Recently, I met up with two of my dear friends for coffee. I was having a hard week. I am pretty competent and I often know what I need to do in order to decompress and practice self-care. I didn’t need advice, but I knew that I wanted to show up more fully as myself — and in that moment, I did need connection. I needed to share what was going on. I needed to have someone see me, say “Girl, you have been through the ringer,” and even say, “I got you. What do you need?”
So I decided to share in a way that felt authentic – including sharing how I wasn’t “all together.” In the moment riiiiiiight before I shared, I felt the discomfort of taking a soul risk – my belly was in a knot, my jaw was tight – learned habitual self-protective ways to be inauthentic, to keep quiet, and to not be vulnerable. And yet, I felt a surge of courage in me to take the risk — it felt like a my heart whispering to me in a consoling and challenging way, “Take the risk.”
So I spoke. I shared how I was feeling down for a couple of days, struggling with old feelings of self-worth. I shared how I was taking care of a lot of people in my life and some surprising health scares that had one in the hospital and one at home recouping. I shared about the energy output, the self-doubt, the struggle I was having.
It wasn’t comfortable – my heart was beating fast, my mind said, “Stop! What are you doing letting people closer into your world?!”
But…….I felt the “sacred call” from my gut to open and let them in.
And what happened? My girlfriends listened. They validated. They asked what they could do.
It all felt so human and soulfully nourishing because I wasn’t holding it all alone. WE held it ALL…together. See that play on words?! I didn’t hold it all together. WE held it ALL….and we did it together!
Isn’t that what life is about? Wouldn’t people feel less lonely if we held space for one another to “hold it all” — together?
When my friends and I finished, my body was both so much more relaxed and also sitting up taller with a stronger spine and a more expansive heart. My belly was relaxed, my throat was open. I felt settled, safe, cared for, and loved.
I recently heard someone say, “We are all better versions of ourselves when we are loved.”
My god, how this is true.
Reflection Questions:
1. Where have you been “holding it all together” alone and putting on a brave face?
2. Who could you be real with and share more authentically where you do NOT have it all together?
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What about this line in the poem: “What if you stopped playing nice?”
Oh my. How often have we played nice because we want to be liked? Because we were taught to fawn in those moments when it’s safer to try and appease or befriend a person in a stressful situation? So many women of my generation (Gen X) were socialized to fawn and make ourselves cute, non-threatening, small, dumb, passive, or in agreement when in a potentially harmful and scary situation.
In some moments, that fawning has saved us – from being hurt, raped, or fired.
But when fawning has become a way of life — when we fawn more often than we show up authentically, dear god, we get angry, resentful, we rage — or we turn that all inward and get depressed and even suicidal.
Something sacred is calling us to safely challenge this fawning way of life.
Reflection questions:
1. What happens when we decide to not giggle, not be subtle, not smile, not brush it off, not step in and fix it for someone, or not say “Oh, I’m sorry”?
2, What happens when we decide to uphold our boundary, consider our needs, and say “no, I can’t help you”?
If you are reading this right now, and you notice that there is a heat rising within you…if you feel an anger rising – good.
Let’s try this together right now…
Playing With Anger
Maybe right now, you want to play with roaring or hissing!
Go ahead, try it!
(You are in good company if this feels awkward at first. Often when I ask my coaching clients to play with letting out a roar or hiss, they giggle. But then, as they do it…oh girl does it feel good. That socialized giggle of discomfort turns into “Hell yes.” And they practice different sounds, movements of their mouths, and volume of their sounds. It’s glorious!).
Maybe right now as you read this you want to explore your spine lengthening and expanding with “soulful confidence” that you matter – your personhood, body, boundaries, needs, ideas, and voice.
And if you are like “I don’t feel that soulful confidence fully,” oh woman, it will rise. It will rise and strengthen, lengthen, and spread as you play, explore, and get curious! Be gentle with yourself. This process of un-socializing ourselves takes some time to unravel.
Maybe you want to let the previously-spent-the-last-few-decades animal of your body and heart find some freedom and explore your wildness that is surely in you and now may be rising up.
What if you made some organic movements right now with your body as your roar or hiss — what if you let your move how it wants to for even three minutes and make any shape you want to?
Maybe you want to show your fangs and even try saying “Back off!”
Maybe you want to grow wings and say “Goodbye” or “no” or “I’m out.”
Maybe you want to play with what it would be like to have fangs and wings! Why not?!
Maybe you just want to imagine it for awhile before you ever “do” anything in your life. That is incredibly beneficial, too.
Notice how this kind of embodied authenticity feels right now…..
Moving Forward…Authentically
As this movement for authenticity grows – individually and collectively — we will need to access our fangs and wings.
We will need to come into our bodies, and get to know the wisdom they hold.
We will need to access our emotions and vulnerability.
We will need to ask deeper questions that will bring discomfort – at first.
We will need to practice asking questions that go against what we have been taught and come from a part of society that wants to keep us from evolving into our most authentic selves.
We can play with titrating that discomfort (if you are reading this and you are a client, you know what I mean about titrating as such a useful tool for growing your capacity to try something new and uncomfortable in order to show up more authentically). We can get curious and explore – without judgment….but rather with a lot of juicy, slow compassion.
There is a freedom that will rise out of this next evolution of embodying our authenticity. For those of us on this journey, a sense of community and collective “human-hood” will emerge that will evolve us — our own selves, homes, workplaces, and world.
I am not about “looking back” and trying to “get back” to “making America great again.” That is for those who are threatened by the evolution of humanity. I am about looking ahead to what might be possible if we let go of old, antiquated ways we have been socialized to be inauthentic, and explore, play with, and evolve into our soulfully embodied authentic selves.
Embodied authenticity empowers you, me, and our world to create, make love, parent, build businesses, and lead movements that are life-giving and truly nourishing for all of us.
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If the idea of embodying your authenticity resonates with you, I invite you to sign up below. I will be offering more embodiment practices and opportunities for you to dive into sacred somatics with me.
Blessings,
