Giving myself a Self-Love hug! One of the practices in my 10-day Self-Love Challenge
Awhile back, I heard my teen-aged daughter talking on the phone with a friend. This is what I heard that made my heart so happy:
(I created a little photo so you can save it and keep it for yourself)
In the kitchen where I was standing, I smiled and was like, “My job is done!”
I jest – my “job” as a mom isn’t done (but it sure is changing. More to come on that in future posts). But it was one of those moments in parenting when you see that something you are doing is working and setting into the psyche, nervous system, and being of your kiddo.
There’s a lot in what she said that I think we can all learn from – no matter our age.We are often really tough with ourselves. Highly critical, judgmental, and kind of mean. Clients in therapy and coaching share with me some of the things they say to themselves. I get it. I used to be super critical, judgmental, and harsh with myself. But not these days. And apparently, this kiddo of mine has noted that shift, too.
Let’s look at some of the things she said:
“Talk to yourself like you would talk to a best friend…”
What sorts of things do you say to a best friend when they tell you they’ve messed up? What do you say when a best friend says they feel stupid, ashamed, overwhelmed, or lonely? What do you say when a best friend says they just started a “new thing” and they feel pretty awkward and insecure?
I highly doubt you’d say things like, “You are always messing up!” or “You are so stupid!” or “You don’t deserve to be happy” or “Why can’t you get it right?!” or “Why even try? You know it won’t work out!” or “Who do you think you are?!”
“You wouldn’t say those words to a best friend, so don’t say them to yourself…”
Make it your practice that you’ll stop immediately when you start to be unkind or harsh with yourself. Pause and put your hand on your heart and say, “Hey there, Sweet Love. I’m here for you.”
“Harshness never heals. Only love does.”– Lisa McCrohan
“You are the only one you are going to be with for the rest of your life…”
Think about that for a moment! YOU go wherever YOU go! You are the only one who is with you 24/7! So you might as well be kind to yourself!
“So learn to treat yourself like you are your best friend…”
This is where I am big on PRACTICING, not “perfecting!” Every little moment you decide to stop being harsh with yourself and instead start giving yourself a hug or a word of encouragement, you are changing up the way those neurons fire in your brain!
You can say things like, “I love you” and “You are really trying” and “I believe in you” and “It’s okay, Sweetheart” and “I see you, Love.”
“Is this going to matter in five years? If it’s not, don’t give it more than five minutes.”
Wowsa! I love this! I often talk with my therapy and coaching clients about the concept of “healthy containment.” Yes, NAME what is going on, but don’t sit in it forever. I’m not talking about ignoring what you are feeling. But I’m also not talking about getting overwhelmed by what you are feeling. Healthy containment is about giving yourself space to feel (share, gripe, complain, emote) and the space you really do need to feel it…but sometimes…sitting in it doesn’t help – it worsens it.
In the book, Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie, who is dying of ALS, tells Mitch how every morning, Morrie gives himself 10 minutes to complain. He gets it all out – how crappy it is to be dying of this horrible disease, how unfair it is…and then after 10 minutes, he begins his day.
THAT’S what I’m talking about. It’s a tricky balance – allowing and healthily containing – but play with it. Practice it
So that’s my daughter’s wisdom I wanted to share with you! On a side note, I think a whole heck of a lot about our Gen Z’s. They are so aware of self-care, self-compassion, mental health, and boundaries! These are things many of us didn’t really know about until we were much older! When I tell people that I have two teenagers, some people make all sorts of grunting sounds and say things like, “oh my god, bless you” or “Oh god! Teenagers!” I really don’t feel that way at all – not just about my own kids, but all teens. And i am really impressed with this generation of teens. Sure, they have anxiety. But they are out there talking about these issues. Our job can be to love them up, believe in them, and help them treat themselves like a best friend. And we can MODEL that by being our own best friends.
So whatever age you are, you can begin to practice being your own best friend.
One last story: I was recently in Argentina for a solo trip! One sunny afternoon, I was walking down the cobblestone street feeling light, happy, and content. And suddenly the thought/feeling came over me, “I really like being in my own company. I like me.”
And I really do. Not just an “in the moment” kind of friend, but a “BFF” (best friend for life) kind of friend. Wow. At 51. I love it.
I hope you can feel this way, too. I’m with you.
Let’s end with a poem:
Exquisite Self-Love
She decided that today
would be a day of
exquisite self-love.
She was done with
the harshness.
Her answer to
everything today
would be
love.
Lisa McCrohan © 2022
______________________________________
Want further support in Self-Love?
1~ If you’d like some awesome support in the area of self–love, check out my 10-day Self-Love Challenge. It’s filled with some of the best, doable, take-5-minutes-or-less practices that I’ve collected from my 25+ years of accompanying others. You get the first email the moment you sign up.
2~ Sign up to work with me in Integrative Coaching.
3~ Get my books, Gems of Delight and Your Light is Rising, for a daily companion on this journey of self-love.
